Lately

The last few weeks have been pretty intense.

I've read more news than I probably have in the entire 12 months preceding January. And most of that news was pretty terrifying.

Having everyone home all of the time has also been an adjustment, not just for me but for all of us. Some of the 8 of us at home don't mind being with people every minute of every day. Some of us struggle a little more with the lack of quiet and personal space. But. As a mama, and in spite of my own personal preferences, I hate to send the little ones (and sometimes the bigger ones, too) away, knowing that their worlds have been just as upended as mine has been.

This past weekend was also intense, in mostly great ways, but still intense. We celebrated Sam's 10th birthday (I'll save that for another post), and that was lots of fun. It involved several batches of cinnamon rolls, pizza dough, and cakes, with varying degrees of success. Not sure what happened. It's like my baking talent just ... went on hiatus, lol. And there was no way to rescue anything but to try again. It was a good learning experience?

We also watched, from the comfort of our very own living room, the annual General Conference of our church members and leaders, which was very different and unique this year, thanks to social distancing. There were many, many wonderful words of hope and faith. I am so very glad that continuing revelation is a part of my life, and I am thankful for latter-day prophets and apostles to share words of inspiration and hope. I felt like I received many private promptings from the Holy Ghost about what I need to focus on right now to make myself a better disciple of Jesus Christ and just a better human being in general.

I read somewhere, on a long list of ideas for improving mental health during this time, that doing something repetitive such as sewing can be soothing to a stressed mind. Between that, and having far less taxiing to do than usual, I pulled out the Never-ending Project. I won't even tell you when I purchased this, and how long it's been scrunched up in a box, started but nowhere near completion, waiting for me to have free time (hahaha, while I was busy bringing 7 kids in to the world to rear, lol). Ah well, better late than never in this case. So this is what I've been obsessing over, instead of the daily blog post. It's coming along. And soothing my brain, too.

Deep Breaths

I'm gonna be honest. Today was a little rough around the edges.

It could really be so much worse in so very many ways.

Sometimes the emotional and mental load of what's going on around us takes some personal adjustment. And sometimes adjustment is uncomfortable.

I was kind of done peopling. Except there are 8 of us here, and there's nowhere to go. I ended up taking a bath and eating some chocolate, and then found myself anxious to get back to the kids. But we are all a little on edge, and so things fall apart quickly. We are a work in progress.

This quarantine is especially difficult for our social butterfly, Sariah. She misses her friends. She misses library books. She misses meeting new people. And the time frame is becoming more of a reality for her. She's cried. And when she's cried, I've cried.

I can't decide what to do about the little device in my hands so much of the time. Social media can be a blessing and a curse. I've appreciated my friends' posts of goodness and humor.

The news articles are unbearable, and once I get started reading them, I have trouble stopping.

I'm not sleeping at night, and that's bad for the body's immune system, which we kinda need at top notch right now.

So.

Deep breaths. Lots of deep breaths.

Unplug for at least a few hours.

Gratitude. For my girls and getting to talk to them through the marvels of modern technology. For Unstable Unicorns. For Epic! and for Prodigy. For sunshine and cool breezes. For long walks. For chats with two of my BFFs. For all of the people working so hard to save lives. For hugs at home. For the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. For Sam's grateful heart. For Madeline's joyful giggles. For Sariah's sensitive heart. For Rex's sneaky humor. For Caleb's full laugh. For daddies who take their little girls for walks, and for husbands who compliment their wife's begrudging meal-making. For my Savior and for my Heavenly Father and Mother.

So.

Get up in the morning, and hug my babies, and be with them, because time is a gift.

On Loving Hannah

My first baby celebrated her 14th birthday this summer.  That is wicked crazy.  I remember being 14.  I remember that I thought my parents were dumb as rocks (they weren't).  I remember that I thought I was old enough to take on the world and be on my own (I could have, but I'd've made a lot of ouchie mistakes in the process).

Fortunately, Hannah seems a little more mature than I was.  She has an amazingly strong and pure spirit.  She works at being honest and good and true...Christlike.  Yeah, she's got things to work on and a stubborn streak about 50 miles wide (nooooooooooooo idea where she got that from).  But she's so good.

Hannah can excel at just about anything she puts her hand to ... piano, cello, school work, church work, puzzles, art, peacemaking in the family.  Children can feel her love and respect.  Mom and Dad have to work to make sure we don't take advantage of Hannah's awesomeness.

I remember when Hannah was born and we found out she was a girl, and I said I would ship her off to boarding school at 13 if she was anything like me ... but the wonderful thing is: she's not like me.  She's better and unique and amazing, and I wouldn't trade her for anything.

On Loving Sariah

This is Sariah's birthday in May.  She was so excited to get a Pillow Pet from Grammy and Papa.  She'd been waiting for the unicorn pillow pet.  The ladybug was not cutting it.  See that smile on her face?  Sariah is the BESTEST smiler.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, life for this little girl is a musical.  One with really high highs and really low lows -- fortunately the lows are brief.  Dramatic, but brief.  Usually.  Sariah is always singing to herself, to her dolls, to her toys, to her food, to the dogs, in the car, in the bathroom, in the great outdoors.  I foresee drama, music, and cheerleading in the future (seriously, she told me about the cheerleading this week).

Some of the most ... high maintenance ... things about Sariah are also her most endearing qualities.  She wants to sleep with Mommy, be with Mommy, do everything with Mommy.  Sleepless nights?  Not so much.  But she holds my heart in her hands when she grasps my hand when we're walking, kisses me just because, and tells me she loves me mostest.  She talks.  A.  Lot.  But she's so cute when she talks, and she says the most incredible things (you can take that incredible however you want).  She hates sleeping with a passion, but she looks like an angel when she finally gets there.  The getting there can be pretty entertaining, too, since she sings and dances to keep herself awake.  (I said it was entertaining, not something to be entertained ... though I suppose that happens.)

She loves swimming, candy, her sisters' toys, keeping Sam in line, having stories read to her, nail polish, watching movies, horses, princesses, wearing boots, dresses, and nightgowns, and telling the boys exactly what to do and how to do it.

Sariah is amazing, and her world, as it grows, will know it when she arrives.

Flooding

Yes, I'm going to flood you with posts because I got a little behind, and since the last two things I am thankful for are so important to me, I figure better late than never.  K.  So I'm lame.  Whatever.

On Loving Caleb

I am grateful for Caleb.  Even though sometimes it doesn't seem like it, he is incredibly tenderhearted.  He is also an amazing athlete and very intelligent.  He draws and reads all the time, loves the out-of-doors, exercising, and cooking.  He knows how to be a gentleman (and actually does it sometimes, too).  He gets up with Sam every morning (they both should have been born on the farm since they get up before the sun does) and feeds him and entertains him.  I told you Lizzi and Rex had stretched me as a parent--Caleb has, too, in different ways, maybe because he is so much like me at different levels, and yet I marvel at how much better than me he is in ways.  He's getting better every day.

Bob (Doesn't that just say everything?)

I am so thankful for my husband.  I am not always good at showing my gratitude.  Okay, in all honesty, I'm not always good at being grateful for him.  However, today I realized (again) some of the reasons that he is so amazing, the chief reason being that he can love me in spite of my obnoxious flaws.  Flaws can be tolerated, but not so much the obnoxious ones.  He is also an incredibly hard worker, and frequently shows compassion in unexpected quarters.  He is patient with my insecurities.  When we disagree about things, he can be downright stubborn, but I never doubt that he is trying to stick to his guns and do what he thinks is best.  I love that I can trust him to provide for me and our family.  I love that I can trust him to work to work things out (I like Micheal Buble, I can't help it).  I love that he loves the Lord and wants to do what is right.  I love that he loves me.

On Loving Rex

My thanks today are for Rex.  I could list his nicknames in here, like I did for Sam, but I think Rex might freak out (what's wrong with Rexie-Pooh, I ask you?).

Oops.

I can't tell you how much admiration I have for this kid.  He doesn't have them so much anymore, but he used to have some really difficult sensory integration issues, but he has worked and worked to overcome the limitations his body has tried to place on him.  He gets up every morning or every time there is a bump in the road and keeps on trying.

He is super smart--and he has an amazing teacher this year who sees that and works with him to help him be his best self at so many levels.  At school right now, he is trying to beat the school record for the most Accelerated Reader points accumulated over the course of the year.  He is about 1/3 of the way there.  He reads everything from Big Nate to Captain Underpants to Harry Potter to Percy Jackson.  It does a mother's heart good to watch him (AND it has motivated big brother to get on the reading bandwagon, bonus!).

He loves swimming and super heroes and video games and walking the dogs.  He is growing his hair out (and keeping it combed, which was the stipulation).  He is always telling me things like, "I am glad you're my mom, because I actually like you" (where do they get these things? lol).  He is a unique thinker, and makes me rethink the things I say and do.  He has taught me so much, in so many ways, about patience and perseverance as well as loving the way that Christ would love.  I can't wait to see what Rex does with his life.  Cuz I'm pretty sure it'll be big.

On Loving Lizzi

My thankful heart is for Lizzi today.  She is amazingly beautiful, intelligent, and talented.  She has been working so hard these last few weeks at getting herself in shape and catching up in swim team at the Y.  She has gone 4 times a week and worked hard without complaint.  She looks dang good going back and forth in the pool.  I'm super excited she's chosen to pursue this.  She's also been singing with the chorus at school, as well as living up to her mother's reading tradition--I actually am pretty sure she can outread me now and me at that age.  She volunteered to watch the little ones this morning when the rest of us all had places to be.  She's been working on her Personal Progress for Young Women's at church.  Lizzi is witty and direct, growing into a passionate young woman.  She stretches me as a mother, makes us earn our victories.  She is amazing, and I am eagerly watching her grow into the woman Heavenly Father sees in her, even as I miss the smiling little imp who undid my housework when she was a baby, even as I still see the enterprising, adventurous girl in this beautiful almost teenager.

Don't Laugh

Tonight I'm thankful for Date Night, and for a husband who goes to gory movies with me--have I mentioned he doesn't do gory very well?  It's one of my favorite things about him.  Ok, well, I don't usually go to gory movies (I don't do gory very well either), but how could I possibly skip Breaking Dawn?  And I got a peaceful meal with a chocolate shake.  AND when I got home, the 4 youngest were in bed asleep, the living room was clean, and the dishes were done.  Awesomeness.

On Loving Sam

My heart is full of thanks today (and every day!) for Sam, a.k.a. Sam-sam or Squirt or My Little Man or Big Man (yes, his nicknames are contradictory, so sue me).  He's just a good, good little guy.  Today we went on an hour-long walk, and he never fought or screamed or cried; he was just content to roll along in his stroller, waving his hands, pointing at birds and cats and cars, and patting the dogs when they got close enough.  He's easy to make smile, and he's so dang cute when he says, "Mommy" or "Daddy" or "doggie."  He loves his older brothers and sisters, and looks forward to when they come home from school.  He loves his Daddy; when Daddy is home, no one else will do.  He loves getting in the car and going places.He loves suckers, binkies, fruit pouches, baths, blocks, and stacking cups.  He gives hugs, and he rides Pillow Pets.  He makes me smile.  He makes me glad to be a mom.

Thankful

Sooner or later I'll get back to posting seriously thankful posts.

In the meantime, rest assured that today I am sincerely thankful that all of my school-aged children returned to school today.  May the force be with them.

Because I'm considering laying around with Sam all day, reading books, watching TV, eating goldfish and drinking chocolate milk from a sippy cup.  I don't think we'll need the force with us.  Just sayin'.

Thank You, New Ward

Tonight I am so thankful for our new ward (a.k.a. congregation) at church here in Georgia.

Earlier this week, I had a friend check in on me because I looked sad at church on Sunday.  I didn't really need anything that she could give me, but it was so nice to have someone say, "Let me know what I can do to help you."

There is another family here who remind me of home and loan their grandmas to my kids and their brand new grandbaby to me to cuddle.

This evening was the Young Women in Excellence program for the youth-aged girls at church.  That would be Hannah and Lizzi's scene.  Although Hannah earned her Personal Progress award and medallion in our ward in Norman right before we moved, her new Young Women's Presidency elected to honor her at tonight's YWIE program the same way they honored the girls who earned theirs here.  That means Hannah was recognized again and given a beautiful pearl necklace.  It was something that they didn't have to do for her but did anyway.

To top that off, Hannah was a little sad tonight, missing her old friends, I think, among other things.  It was a beautiful sight to see her new friends put their arms around her shoulders and make her smile.  I watched as they checked on her and with her and kept her with them.

It does my heart good to feel the Lord's blessings and to know His hands have made this path for us.

Sweet Girls

 
These are my high maintenance girls.  I thought Lizzi was diva-ish.  Until, that is, The Diva showed up on the scene.  Sometimes Sariah makes Lizzi look like a pacifist.  And that's saying somethin'.

Last week, Lizzi and Hannah built a fort between their beds for Sam and Sariah to play in.  It was the most amusing thing Sam had done in ages.  There are no pictures of him with the fort because he wouldn't come out.

Sariah and Lizzi hung out in there for awhile, too.  These pictures make my heart smile.  As crazy as my kids make me sometimes, I love that the older ones take time to play with the little ones (even when they fight at the end...really? you're picking a fight with someone 8 years younger than you??).  I love that the little ones can count on their older sibs to entertain them from time to time.  I love that they have each other for comfort and kindness and giggles and goodness.

Thankful for Antibiotics

I know, I know I said the evil word "antibiotics," a double-edged sword in the parenting world today.  No antibiotics, and your kids can die.  Too many antibiotics, and your kids can die.  Or their teeth change colors.  Or the flora in their happy little guts get all messed around.  Whatever.

Even so, I am especially thankful for them these last few weeks.  They will help with Lizzi's ears ... we made her wait 3 days before we took her to the doc, hoping for a miraculous resolution, but alas, 'twas not to be.  So antibiotics, come to me, my friend!!

And, I am even more grateful for antibiotics for my Dumb Mutt.  Ok, ok, we know he's really not that dumb.  But he did have a little potty problem a week or so ago (which became a big problem for me as I had to consider buying him Depends, like I haven't already changed enough diapers), and antibiotics were the solution to his little problem ... and my sanity (minor detail, that).

Antibiotics are a good thing around here right now.  'Nuf said.

I'm Thankful for Laundry?

Oddly enough, I am thankful for the laundry today.  I know, right?  Everyone knows that I despise laundry, and that generally there are several unfolded baskets of clean clothes located strategically throughout my house.  Not to mention all the dirty clothes, but you don't really want to know all the places you could find those.

Normally, I don't do all of our laundry at one time in one place on one day.  It's ... a little ... just a smidge ... overwhelming.  In this picture, there are 8 baskets of dirty laundry, probably about 12 loads.  And I had a load in the washer.  And one in the dryer.  And about 3 in my bedroom on the bed waiting to be folded.  And all the sheets and towels were still on the beds and the towel racks.  Argh!

Have I ever mentioned that sometimes tween boys change clothes about 300% more than teenage girls do?  I don't get it.

Anyway, laundry.  Not my favorite thing.

Still, after a long and emotional day today, I find myself looking forward to hanging out at home ALL DAY with my laundry, doing some mindless folding and ironing while watching another good BBC Jane Austen drama.  Again, as Bob would say.  I think I may take a computer hiatus, and (gulp!) ignore my email and FB and Words With Friends (I know! how can that be?!).  Maybe.  Hopefully.

Turning off the social networks might require some chocolate consumption.  While watching Jane Austen flicks.  Oh dear.  The laundry really is dreadful, isn't it?

What Do You Take for Granted?

I had thought, in my thankful posts, not to resort to this so early on in the game. However, after having finished reading The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls tonight, it is time for me to say how grateful I am for a more or less "functional" family, both growing up and now, for running water, for food in my cabinets, for an education, for shoes on my feet, for the selflessness of those who have loved me throughout my life.

If you want to know more about this book, read the reviews, and know that your expectations will not be disappointed.  The reviews aren't merely hype.  This is the memoir of a woman who grew up in unthinkably poor and dysfunctional circumstances, and went on to rise above it, and yet still manages to embrace the positives that have shaped who she is.  Perhaps the story's early setting in the deserts of the Southwest really spoke to me, since that's where I grew up initially.  Or perhaps it's Walls's triumph in NYC, which I learned to love just a few years ago.  My captivation with the book is further increased because I see some of the people I have known in the characters of this autobiography.  Or there's the fact that Jeannette Walls is only a few years older than I, and yet she really lived without running water or electricity.  I didn't even know that was still possible!

In any case, read the book.  It will teach you about people you didn't know before.  And it will remind you what incredible blessings you have in your life but take for granted on most days.  A worthy read, absolutely.

November Is Thankful Month

You may have seen on Facebook all the thankful posts this month.  I see that is finally time for me to join the bandwagon.  But I can't do it on FB, because I need time to get a grip and back off from FB for awhile.  It's been my lifesaver these last few months, yes, but I think I need to more fully immerse myself where Heavenly Father has planted me right now.  Sorry for all the mixed metaphors.

I promise I will get to the thankful part.

So, I took myself on a very long walk tonight.  I needed some thinking time.

Have you ever had one of those Emma moments, where you think you are going along all fine and dandy and then you do something really stupid, and suddenly you find the love of your life saying, "Badly done, Emma.  Badly done!"?  Yeah, well, I had one of those moments today.  Actually, it stretched into hours where I became distracted, fidgety, and really disgusted with myself.

For the record, Bob did not see fit to chastise me.  But I am referring to my Heavenly Father, who saw fit to send me a message.  And that's what I'm thankful for today: a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to correct me when I need it.  Sometimes He is able to do it gently.  And sometimes I need to be thwacked over the head with a 2X4.  Good thing He knows what's best.

So now I have the opportunity to evaluate and re-evaluate my thoughts, feelings, words, and actions, and then determine what I need to change and do and be.  Painful, yes.   Worth it, definitely!  I am thankful for a gospel that preaches repentance, that teaches us that Heavenly Father is a loving Father and when we make mistakes, he gives us room to improve and prove ourselves (again ... and again), to grow and progress, even when we screw up.

I am thankful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which fills the gap between me and heaven that I can't fill myself because I am a human being and perfection isn't my strong suit.  And I'm grateful that by that same power, He can heal the hurts I've inflicted on others when I've done all I can do to fix my mistakes and still can't repair the damage.  I pray that this is the case, since heaven knows I've hurt too many people in this life.

Now to do better in the immediate future....

What We've Been Up To, Part 5

And have I mentioned that for enrichment in the fall, Hannah took some basketweaving classes?  Strange for enrichment, but true.  The thing is, though, that she's fantastically good at it.  Her baskets are sturdy and gorgeous.  I begged for a long time, and so for Christmas she made me a basket.  What a good daughter she is!

I tried to talk her into the pink basket because I liked the bright color, but alas, it was not to be, and so I will settle for the brown one, which though not brightly colored, is bright and beautiful in a prominent spot on my bathroom counter.  I smile to think of Hannah every time I see it!

Thanks also to Hannah for the pics.  She did a much better job than I would have.

The Things Wives Remember

On this day, 14 years ago, my wonderful husband proposed to me (finally!!!) not far from this place on the beautiful OU campus, and I obviously said, "Well, it's about time."  Okay, I didn't really say that.  I said, "Yes!!!" (be still, my beating heart!) but it really was about time.  I don't remember what I was wearing, but I remember he was wearing those slacks that looked so dang good, and that it was moonlight and much warmer than it is here today, and that there were flowers everywhere (but when are there not flowers everywhere on campus?).  It's one of the reasons that I love spring in Oklahoma so much.

And then we tried to kill off our parents--and especially mine--by getting married within about 8 weeks.  In retrospect, that might have been a bit mean.  But it's a little late to do anything about it now.

Meanwhile, I am so grateful for Bob.  We've had our share of ups and downs, and given that I'm still a hormonal basket case, I'm sure there will be more ups and downs in the future.  But I'm so proud that we have pushed through the hard times we've had, and come out stronger for them.  And having spent some time around some other husbands recently, I'm so grateful that my husband is loving and respectful and kind and that I can trust him to do the right things.  We don't always agree on what the right things are, but I always know that he's trying his best, and I know that he'll be there for me whenever I follow after my crazy schemes.  In short, he's amazing, and I love, love, love him!