Blog Hop: Family Proclamation Photo Essays

 "The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave.  Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995).

When Bob and I were sealed in the Dallas Texas Temple in 1996, we didn't know what our future family would look like.  But we knew it would be eternal because we married in the temple.  And we knew our children would be likewise sealed to us forever because they would be "born in the covenant," or sealed to us by birthright.

What we didn't know was that not all of our precious children would be born to us.  When we'd been married several years and had three children (and thought we needed a break, lol!), Heavenly Father let us in on the game plan.  Our nephew, Rex, came to live with us temporarily.  He was a smart, tenacious, sweet, stubborn, curious crawling bundle of blond hair and blue eyes.  He stayed permanently.  By the time he was two and a half, we were finalizing his adoption, with his birth parents' permission and blessing.  By now we were his Mommy and Daddy and sisters and brother.

As soon as the legal adoption was finalized, we--Bob and I, along with Hannah, Elisabeth, and Caleb--took him to the temple to be sealed to us.  Consider it the religious observation of the legal procedure.  Now Rex could be a part of our family forever if we continued to follow Jesus Christ.  The eternal nature of families is something my heart knows to be true, but I also believe in the two formalities that make it so--legal adoption and the ordinance of temple sealing.

I will never forget Rex in the temple with us.  He looked up at the temple sealer with his big blue eyes and agreed solemnly and smilingly to everything said to him, while our other three children looked on with sparkling eyes.  I know he was only 2, and he can't remember it now, and he will get to grow up and make his own choices in life.  But when I look at Rex, sometimes I see that pure, sweet toddler dressed in white, shining in the presence of loved friends, family, and heavenly family, and am reminded what he is to our Father in Heaven: His beloved child.

And then ... then we went outside the temple for pictures and he tried to crawl in the fountain, also true to form, age, and character.  Rex can always make you smile, and I am grateful beyond words that he is sealed to our eternal family.

What We've Been Up To, Part 4

Also in February, Rex and I went to visit his birth father and grandmother in another metro town.  Usually, they are able to come down this way, but Joan's health has been iffy lately, and she had to miss Rex's birthday party, so we went to see them.  Rex had a grand 2nd (or was it 3rd?) birthday celebration, and got lots of totally cool Star Wars goodies.

Here he is with Joan and Sassy:

And here he is with Josh (who, incidentally, is not usually so ... well, bald).

Pick Your Jaws Up off the Floor!

I'm feeling a little judged this week. It's probably mostly paranoia, but there it is. I can't really change what people think, although I'm going to try, so mostly this post is about owning the decisions I've made.

If you haven't heard already, I'm pregnant.

Hence, the title. Obviously.

And worse than that, I'm happy to be pregnant. I can't keep it a secret. It's way too exciting to keep mum about it.

But the one thing that really throws a wrench in my joy is being asked a ton of nosy questions. I don't really think fast enough to hand out coherent answers or arguments. So first, I'm going to send you to this link. It's one of my favorite posts about large families. And second, I'm going to post the following "Q & A with Tracy." I'll start with the more polite questions.

Q: Why do you tell people so early? Aren't you afraid of miscarriage?
A: Yes, I'm deathly afraid of miscarriage. My body has proven repeatedly that it's entirely capable of ending pregnancy early, very early. But the fact is that I can't keep my own secrets. Other people's I'm better at keeping, but not my own. If I miscarry, then I miscarry, and there's probably a good reason for it (no matter how much I hate that it happens). I'm not going to wallow in the misery of my disappointment and heartache, but I'm not going to keep my sorrow a secret either. In our culture, it's apparently not okay to have bad things happen to you, and you have to keep them a secret. I happen to think some of humanity is about sharing emotions with each other; that's when we learn the most about each other, when we learn the most compassion, and when we learn that we are not alone.

Q: Don't you have enough kids?
A: When I was a little girl growing up, the only thing I consistently desired when I grew up was to be a mother. I went through phases when I wanted to be a vet, a teacher, a farmer's wife, a Tupperware lady. When I got older, I thought I would enjoy being a speech therapist, a social worker, and an elementary school teacher. Those things I probably would have loved and been good at (although the social worker thing probably would have killed me, which is why I changed my major). What never changed was that I wanted to be a mom. What's more, I wanted to have a lot of kids, like 12. I spent hours and hours naming them and renaming them. I was going to have triplets named Dallas, Austin, and Houston (that was before I moved to Texas and then decided that was stupid). I was absolutely convinced that my parents had deprived me by giving me only one sibling. I am fortunate enough now to be living my dream! I don't need 12 kids any more, but I still love children, and I still love being a mom, and I'm so grateful to have a husband who allows me the privilege of living my dream.

Q: Do you even use birth control?
A: Is this even your business? I will, however, point out that there was a 6-year gap between the birth of my 3rd child and the birth of my 5th child (the 4th is adopted).

Q: Can you even afford the kids you have?
A: Yes, for the time being. Obviously, in this kind of economy, there are no guarantees. Is there ever really a guarantee? But both Bob and I are willing to do what it takes to provide the necessities of life for the children we have brought into the world. I think that this applies to Bob especially. We live on one income because Bob works hard and makes many sacrifices for us. We all make sacrifices. Sacrifices aren't the worst thing in the world.

Q: Don't you worry that your kids will be deprived of time, attention, money, etc.? Don't you worry that your kids will be permanently warped?
A: I worry about these things all the time, but I don't believe they happen intrinsically because a family is large. I, as a parent, have a responsibility to provide for these things. I know plenty of large families, and I often (not always) find that the children are polite, well-behaved, cooperative, willing to work, good citizens, and exceptionally kind. It doesn't warp a child to have to share a bedroom (we could be living in a one-room cabin, right?). It doesn't warp a child to not always have ice cream in the freezer (hello obese America!). It doesn't warp a child to not get to participate in every single thing s/he thinks necessary (as an adult, I can't possibly do everything I want to do). And there are pros, as well as cons, to having multiple siblings--after all, in 50 years, who is going to be there for my children? Me? Please, I hope I'm dead by then. Or will they have each other, their lifelong friends and companions? (Just so long as they don't start a family feud. LOL!) The bottom line is: I'm NOT raising Generation Me here, and I'm so glad for that.

Q: You just got a bigger house. What are you doing?!
A: Consider that we were planning for our future. 4000 sq ft with 2 occupants does not a happy home make. Although, I do have to say we were really squished in our old house. I think as long as Bob and I stay committed to first the Lord, and second each other, and third our family, 2300 sq ft is plenty of room for a happy family and a successful life together. (Please note that I did not say this would be easy....)

Q: When are you going to stop already?
A: Quite frankly, that's nobody's business but ours. And shame on you for asking!

Q: Have any of your children actually been planned?
A: This really isn't your business either, but YES, all of them have been planned for, longed for, and greatly desired. The one exception is Rex, who arrived at our home on one day's notice for a temporary stay when he was 7 months old. He never left, and we've long since adopted him. I think that was an acceptable surprise as he's such a vital part of our family now.

Q: Isn't it irresponsible of you to bring little people into this world when you have a mental illness?
A: I suffer from depression. That sounds so ... depressing. But really, and I've posted about this before, I'm very, very grateful for my mental illness. It is currently under control with medication, exercise, and the avoidance of large amounts of chocolate (I know--that's inhumane). I will not come off of my meds while I am pregnant--a happy, consistent, and loving mommy, one with not so much cortisol running around her bloodstream, is the best gift you can give a child. I have parented with undiagnosed depression and with uncontrolled depression, as well as with diagnosed & controlled depression. It wasn't fun or pleasant for anyone when I was a mess. I'm not a mess now (or any more of a mess than anyone else or pregnant moms, anyway). It was my experiences as a mother that helped me to understand that there was something wrong with my head--I guess parenting in general leads us to that conclusion anyway, but I'm obviously referring to more here, people. It's my experiences as a mother that bring me some of the greatest joys and the most laughter and the brightest smiles. This isn't really a coherent answer to this question, but it's the way I feel.

Q: Aren't you exhausted all of the time?
A: Well, duh. But it's absolutely worth it.

Q: Do you ever get peace and quiet?
A: Only if my parents or my husband provide for it, bless their hearts. And when I do get it, it's kind of creepy weird.

Q: Don't you think you should make your husband stop traveling on a weekly basis, come home, and help you raise all those kids?
A: I'm living my dream, my husband should get to live his. I think he's been happy with this job, he's learned a lot, and he's built his resume. When he's ready for the 9-5 grind again, he'll get a "regular" job. In the mean time, Bob is an active and integral component of our family. I certainly couldn't do any of this without him.

Q: What does your husband think about another baby?
A: He's super excited, and smiled hugely when I gave him the news.

Q: What do your kids think about another baby?
A: I think there are mixed feelings, but over all, the feeling is excitement and anticipation. Believe me when I say I'll have to fight to spend time with my newborn.

Q: When's the baby due?
A: Assuming all goes well, April 12th.

And now I'll sign off to make sure I'm still pregnant. :D

Rabbits

As in, my friend Amanda and I multiply like rabbits.

Amanda's one of my oldest friends. I have a few whom I've known longer (especially thanks to Facebook), but not many. She was my first friend when I moved to Texas at the dramatic age of 12. They lived two doors down and were totally awesome because they had a Nintendo and a trampoline. Somehow, someway, we managed to weather middle school (please, never again!) and high school.

Eventually, we each had babies. My two oldest children are about 6 weeks apart in age from her two oldest children. Just like our fourth, her fourth is adopted, too. And just like us, she keeps acquiring children along the way.

The Couch Photo Tradition started out as this in 1999:

(l-r) Elisabeth, Hannah, Andrea, Tyler

How sweet! We were so little and few in number then! I know there are a bunch of pictures demonstrating the evolution in between these 2 pics; however, I'm moving people, so you're lucky to get even one pre-pic. Now, the tradition is a little more ... complicated in 2009:

(on the couch) Tyler, Caleb, Elisabeth, Amanda's borrowed baby #1, Andrea, Amanda's borrowed baby #2, and Rex
(on the floor) Brooke, Rachel, Hannah, and Sariah

We were all so excited about their Easter visit, and are looking forward to many more visits. Thanks to Amanda for being a true friend and for keeping it real for me. Love ya lots!

Blessings

I hope everyone knows that in my tie post, I was referring to the ties when I said they were alike, conservative, and boring. I would never apply any of these adjectives to either of my boys. Especially boring. Neither of my boys are ever boring!

And yes, my dear friend, I do love those little angels, and I know you meant no harm with your comment. It just happened to strike a chord with my feelings about some of my worst flaws. One of the things that I really struggle with is exasperation with my kids. Sometimes I think it's because of my good friend/enemy, Depression; sometimes I think it's just the normal side effect of being a parent; and sometimes I think it's one of my "poor parenting skills" (is that psycho-babble for saying, "I was wrong and have no excuse; I shouldn't do that"?).

So, in my little ones' defense ... there was a reason I didn't blog yesterday, and that would be because I was spending time with my kids, and I was enjoying it!!!

I took Hannah to the dentist, and she and I spent a great deal of the time laughing at Sariah's antics. She freaked out when they took Hannah back for her cleaning, so we had to follow her back there. Then Sariah amused herself by repeatedly sliding down the base of the exam chair and shrieking, "Wheeeeeeeeeee!" Fortunately, all of the other patrons and dental staff found this as amusing as we did.

After school, Rex and I worked on his Kindermusik homework. We missed a bunch while I was sick, so we've had a lot of catching up to do. He loves Kindermusik, so it wasn't a hassle. While he was at his class, I spent my time talking with another mom about their hopes to adopt after already having 2 biological children. I talked about how hard that was for us, but that the blessings have been many and great. I realized anew how much I really mean that.

The girls and I spent the evening on a hunt for the Missing Cell Phone. But we had a ball tossing their room and the cars. Usually, cleaning their room means a terrible ordeal. But first, one of my neighbors came over and supervised the cleaning of the room by my girls and their 2 friends this weekend (I love my neighbor!!!!!), so the room wasn't so awful to search. And second, what can be more fun than dumping out a bunch of stuff and throwing it all back in without sorting it? Still no cell phone. Bummer.

Meanwhile, Elisabeth and Caleb, bless their hearts, caught up all their late or missing school work without argument, complaint, or under-the-breath murmuring. I am so proud of them for buckling down and getting it done, and it sure made our morning run more smoothly today.

And the blessing of all blessings: when I went to bed last night, I was too exhausted to lay awake or toss and turn. A good night's sleep does wonders for all sorts of things!

Saturday Snippets

It's the beautiful birthday girl! Isn't she fabulous? This is after the water park expedition. She and Hannah came back unscathed by the sun. Their Dad is another story entirely. I've never seen him quite so crisped. In any case, after they got back, we ate Elisabeth's favorite for dinner -- double pepperoni bubble pizza, and then she opened her presents. She got a lot, but we still didn't spend as much on her as on Hannah's new bike. Elisabeth was most pleased with the brown argyle messenger bag and her 3rd Webkinz pet, a fluffy persian cat, appropriately christened Cotton Candy. The fake American Girl doll clothes and cutesy quiz book also garnered praise. "This is the best birthday ever," she says. I think that's our only parental triumph this week.

Meanwhile, I spent the morning shamelessly spoiling myself with a heavenly pedicure and manicure. The woman was quite apalled that I wouldn't buy tips for my nails . . . not because I was withholding money from her, but because I had no nails on fingers or toes to even file down (bad nail habit? who, me?). In any case, now all my nails are a nice summery berry color, and I feel quite beautiful.

Rex's birth family also came to visit today. They brought the kids a slip-n-slide, and I'm actually very excited, because they need a nice distraction from the mud pit out in back where the trampoline used to stand until we moved it after the neighbor girl broke her arm and nearly her head on the side of the house. Makes you feel safe about leaving your kids here, eh?

Sariah's getting closer to walking independently. She's much braver about letting go of things and taking steps . . . so long as it's entirely her own idea. No, I have no idea where that stubborn streak comes from. Surely not Bob's side of the family.