Ugh

Dogs are more expensive than kids.

That's all.

Lifesavers

I know I've posted lots of churchy, religious, mushy stuff the last few weeks.  I know that's probably driving some of you nuts.  It's not like me to talk about it so much, and I certainly understand if you've chosen to ignore some of my posts.

It's just that my church has been my lifesaver as we've made this move.  Well, the Church and Facebook.  :)  Facebook has kept me in touch with old friends, people who I know love and care about me and my family.  The Church has given me new friends, the reassurance that we can get through this new adventure, and the faith that we can adapt and grow and progress and continue to find joy in the world around us.

Dropping out of my major outside-the-family commitments by moving has given me quite a bit of time to ponder and pray.  For a little bit there, Heavenly Father was the only person I could turn to when the going got rough.  So I talked to Him a lot.  I've been given the time to figure out where I'm at with my life, what matters most to me, and how I'm going to get there.

The Church's annual General Relief Society Meeting was held by broadcast on Saturday night.  Translation: it was a big meeting for the women in the church.  The 3 leaders of the Relief Society organization spoke first, and at the end, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf addressed the sisters.  He spoke so powerfully and answered so many of the prayers in my heart!  Some of my questions were answered.  And some of the things that I've been turning over in my mind for awhile now, but haven't even formulated questions for, were answered with President Uchtdorf's words.  You can see a summary of his talk here.  When the full text is published, I will try and get a link up to it.

While all of President Uchtdorf's talk resonated with me, imagine how I took a deep breath and exclaimed, "Oh!" when I heard the following:

“God wants to help us eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths, but He knows that this is a long-term goal,” President Uchtdorf said. “It is OK that you are not quite there yet. Keep working on it but stop punishing yourself. “

“Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others,” he added. “Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.”

Keep in mind that the very morning before this address, I wrote this post for my blog, wondering how on earth to make my secretly-perfectionistic self cope with getting some things done but not others.

So now I find myself telling myself, "Self, get over yourself.  Move on.  You are doing good.  Keep going.  Quit wasting time on worrying and fussing."  This is such a good thing for me.

Just remind me that I've said it every once in awhile.  ;)

Bummed

OU is playing tonight.  And I finally have my TV up on a console so I can watch the game.  And it made me sad.  Some of the shots showed areas around the stadium.  I know just what the weather feels like at this time of year during an OU game--humid yet crisp, and finally cooling off.  You can see the lights all over town, and if you're in the right place, you can hear the roar of a crimson crowd, the thunder of the Ruff Neks' noisemakers.  All roads lead to OU.  You don't drive your car near campus or on any of the main thoroughfares.  Unless you are going to Wal-Mart--it's a fabulous time to shop.  Just sayin'.  All the TVs inside the store show the game anyway.  You can feel an entire town, population 100K+, together in agony and triumph.

OK, yeah, it sounds a little much.

But man, I miss my Sooners.

It's Been a Week

That could probably be my whole post.  But just for history's sake, I will elaborate.

I've been reading my scriptures, praying, and writing in my journal every night.  As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are counseled to do those things regularly.  I've always liked to journal; I just don't always do so consistently.  It's been really good for me to review and reflect, and it's been really good to read about the Savior every day.

What is so typical of me is that I just had to take it to the next level.  And make a to-do list for the next day every night.  On the up side, there are a lot of things I'm reminded to do that I don't always remember to do (like take my vitamins).  On the down side, there are a lot of things I haven't got crossed off my list (like the mopping, which has been on my list every day since Tuesday).  And being a closet perfectionist, that really bugs me, not having everything neatly crossed off at the end of the day.

So, what do I do with something that helps and hurts at the same time?  Because I'm so proud of myself for getting some things done every day.  And I'm so depressed that I can't get it all done.  Obviously, I need to psychoanalyze that, or something, so that I can move forward with life.

In the mean time, I did make it to my Wednesday weigh-in at Weight Watchers.  I lost another 1/2 lb, which was a little disappointing, but not in light of that fettucine alfredo.  I try to remember to evaluate my weight loss in terms other than the scale; sometimes that's a bit more encouraging.  My pants are falling down--yeehaw!  My muffin top is shrinking--yippee!  The scale doesn't intimidate me as much as it used to--woot! woot!  I can get up the hill to our apartment building without feeling like I will die immediately--rock on!  I'm thinking I might actually track down my "skinny"-er jeans (I'm not even close to my skinny jeans, but still...)--I'm so awesome.

See, I feel better already.  :)

Now, on to my list....

Nada

I have no bragging rights after this weekend.

I yelled at my kids yesterday, and I feel guilty (even if they really had pushed the envelope to ripping...).

I ate at Olive Garden on Thursday.  Granted, it was time well spent because I was with my Hannah-girl (she hates being called that).  My fettucine alfredo was way yummy.  Good thing I calculated the WW PointsPlus today.  I probably won't ever eat it again.  Since it was more than my daily allowance.  In one meal.  It was good.  But not that good.  Needless to say, I've been pigging out on fruits and veggies and water ever since.  And not a lot else.  Wednesday may not be pretty.

I did walk my dogs every day.  I'm even over the pooper-scooping.  But, really, does Jonah have to water every single thing he sees?

Sam's taking longer naps.  This is a veeeeeeeeeeery good thing.  Course, I had to wake him up today to go pick up Sariah, and he was cranky thereafter.

So to summarize, there are a lot of things going right in my life.  Have you ever noticed that sometimes the harder you try, the harder it gets.  I gotta find a way to relax....

Maybe I'll redesign the blog again.  That always revs things up.  ;)

Check Out My Profile

I added a new button to my blog (Lizzi picked it out, doesn't she have good taste?) because I'm on mormon.org now.  I don't really think my life is all that exciting...especially in light of some of the ads they run on TV, but still, it was fun to sit down and think through some of what I said.  For a convert, I sure can be a really Molly Mormon.  You know, the 6 kids, the staying-at-home ... oh wait, after that, I'm done.  I'm NOT sweetness and light; my house is rarely clean; cooking, cleaning and other domestic pursuits--well, not so much.  I guess you can't really call me Molly.  But do check out my profile so I feel loved.  :)

Love One Another

I intended today to write a post about faith.  Well, first I intended to write something funny; then I changed my mind and intended to write something about faith (ADD, anyone?).  I will eventually do so because faith has been much on my mind and very much a part of our lives these last 5 months.  But I notice on the host blogs of Celebrate Family 2011 (We Talk of Christ, The Redheaded Hostess, Chocolate on My Cranium, and Welcome to the Madness) that today's prompt from the Family Proclamation (oh my! those are a lot of links!) really falls in line with my thoughts since last night.

Be patient with me.  I really don't want to rush what I'm thinking.

Last night, Bob and I attended the LDS temple in Atlanta for the first time (I know, more links!).  It has been recently remodeled inside, and both in and out it is absolutely gorgeous.  It's the biggest temple I've been inside, and it was worth the drive.  Don't be misled by the picture above--right now, the grounds are covered in colorful blooms.

It has been nearly 2 years since I've been to the temple.  I just got crazy overwhelmed with a new-baby-who's-now-a-busy-toddler, being the PTA president, and moving to another state.  I have been anxious to go for awhile, but needed to sit down with myself and get my priorities straightened out.

Now, understand another part of my frame of mind going into the temple last night.  We very recently watched the disintegration of a family we have been acquainted with.  I won't go into details, but the things that happened within this family were of the worst nature.  Trust was shattered between parents and children, between husband and wife, into pieces that look pretty irretrievable (from the outside looking in).  I also suspect trust between individual family members and Heavenly Father will require some repair as well.

My heart aches for all involved, and my mind was full of this when we entered the temple.  It was not my personal tragedy, and yet it weighed so heavily on my mind.  There is no sense to be made of what happened to this family.

However, as I sat in the holy quiet of the temple of our Lord, the words of the Family Proclamation began to fill my mind.

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Of course, I "heard" more snippets than 2 big long paragraphs.  Still though, I didn't know I knew the proclamation so well.  It seems to have seeped into my heart and my mind.  Or perhaps it is more a reminder of things I already knew?

In any case, gratitude overwhelmed me for my marriage and my family.  Don't get me wrong--we don't have a perfect marriage, and I am not a perfect mother and wife.  Much as I would like to say I'm really good at this whole family thing, the truth is that I still need a lot of practice.  A lot.  Bob and I still have differences to iron out.  Frequently Sometimes, it seems so much easier to send the kids to bed than to have a Family Home Evening where they jump off couches and perform other feats of personal daring when we are supposed to be reverently studying the sacred things of the gospel.  We are not perfect, and well we know it. I have no doubt we will continue to leave perfection to the Savior Jesus Christ.

Still, flaws and all, we are incredibly blessed to be striving together to live the principles of the gospel as outlined in the Family Proclamation.  I so appreciate this post about how love works: "Choose to Love."

I honor my husband for remembering that love is both a choice and a verb, and for his patience, forgiveness, fidelity, and perseverance (and now that I've published in print, I'm fairly sure I will never be allowed to forget it--lol!).  I love my children because they teach me to be a better person every day.  I am grateful that we are united enough to get up and dust ourselves off when we fall down, then keep putting one foot in front of another and press forward.  It's not always easy, but I am certain it is worth it.

Blog Hop: Family Proclamation Photo Essays

 "The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave.  Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995).

When Bob and I were sealed in the Dallas Texas Temple in 1996, we didn't know what our future family would look like.  But we knew it would be eternal because we married in the temple.  And we knew our children would be likewise sealed to us forever because they would be "born in the covenant," or sealed to us by birthright.

What we didn't know was that not all of our precious children would be born to us.  When we'd been married several years and had three children (and thought we needed a break, lol!), Heavenly Father let us in on the game plan.  Our nephew, Rex, came to live with us temporarily.  He was a smart, tenacious, sweet, stubborn, curious crawling bundle of blond hair and blue eyes.  He stayed permanently.  By the time he was two and a half, we were finalizing his adoption, with his birth parents' permission and blessing.  By now we were his Mommy and Daddy and sisters and brother.

As soon as the legal adoption was finalized, we--Bob and I, along with Hannah, Elisabeth, and Caleb--took him to the temple to be sealed to us.  Consider it the religious observation of the legal procedure.  Now Rex could be a part of our family forever if we continued to follow Jesus Christ.  The eternal nature of families is something my heart knows to be true, but I also believe in the two formalities that make it so--legal adoption and the ordinance of temple sealing.

I will never forget Rex in the temple with us.  He looked up at the temple sealer with his big blue eyes and agreed solemnly and smilingly to everything said to him, while our other three children looked on with sparkling eyes.  I know he was only 2, and he can't remember it now, and he will get to grow up and make his own choices in life.  But when I look at Rex, sometimes I see that pure, sweet toddler dressed in white, shining in the presence of loved friends, family, and heavenly family, and am reminded what he is to our Father in Heaven: His beloved child.

And then ... then we went outside the temple for pictures and he tried to crawl in the fountain, also true to form, age, and character.  Rex can always make you smile, and I am grateful beyond words that he is sealed to our eternal family.

Weigh-In Wednesday

[Disclaimer: I totally stole the title of this post from Christy Nelson.]

It's time for a little accountability.  I've been keeping myself somewhat accountable on Facebook, but I decided a more detailed record of how fabulously this is going might be wise (you know, for future purposes).

I was down 3.6 lbs today when I weighed in at Weight Watchers, for a total of almost 10 lbs.  I'm so excited!  It wasn't long ago that I thought 10 lbs was the impossible mission.

Incidentally, when I was looking for clip art for this post, I found all sorts of scales with HAPPY people on them.  Really?  I mean, I knew I'd lost weight this week, but I still stood on the scale with my arms folded and my eyes squeezed tight.  Funny how I didn't see any similar clip art.  (Sorry, no real-life pictures here.  You didn't really think that would happen yet, did you?)

I really, really like the new Weight Watchers Points Plus program.  It's not completely calorie-based anymore.    And fruits and veggies don't cost you anything.  That means that when I'm really heading towards losing my self-control, I can pig out on strawberries and grapes as much as I want.  Of course, when I've already lost control, I go straight for ice cream, chocolate and peanut butter.  But that's another post.  Or several, as I've already proven.  In any case, with the new program, I don't feel hungry all the time.  Sometimes I even get to the end of my day and have points left over.  I know, that's crazy, right?

I now weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with Sam.  I saw a long-lost 2nd digit on the scale.  Next stop will be post-Sariah.  Well, it won't actually be a stop, but you get the idea.

I am happy to report that I feel better all of the time, and I can tell when I've screwed up in my eating choices.  The bad choices just aren't so much worth it anymore.  I can even turn my nose up at a fresh McDonald's french fry.  Today, I found myself craving a tomato.  A tomato?  Since when?  But I salted it and peppered it, and it was delish.

I'm also keeping up with the exercise component.  I take the dogs, and sometimes Sam, out everyday for 30-45 minutes.  Yeah, I only do it because of the dogs.  Otherwise, I'd be struggling to keep up with that.  I do have to be compelled in some things.

The Best Things in Life Involve Cookie Dough

 With all the big kids at school during the day, Sam had time to help mommy make cookies.  And he didn't have to share the beaters with anyone.  I think he was in seventh heaven.  I sure had to fight for those beaters once they were licked clean.  It's little moments like these that make motherhood way worth it!

Surprise! We Have a Family Mission Statement

I absolutely was not looking forward to this first blog hop. We've been married 15 years and have 6 children, and we don't didn't have a family mission statement.  And it seemed a little overwhelming to nail one down.  Always has.

Until I came across this post.  Thanks, Lindsey!  I totally hijacked the idea and set it into motion tonight at our Family Home Evening.  This idea really made things easy for me, kind of like a template.  Bob was so happy to finally be tackling this, that of course he agreed to a test drive.

Honestly, my expectations weren't too high.  We've been focusing on studying the life of Christ and the scriptures, and "fun games" (their words) have been few and far between lately.  Trying to find a suitable time balance between learning and having fun.  But I digress...so my expectations weren't too high.  In fact, I foresaw much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

But man, I was wrong, and it was awesome!  The kids really got into the spirit of things.  Hannah promptly came up with Moses 7:18 for our guiding scripture at the top, which we decided was much more appropriate than any of my suggestions.  Apparently, she's picking up all sorts of things in seminary this year, since I don't think we've looked at this particular scripture lately as a family.

Then, we started looking at attributes for our acrostic (the letters of our last name).  Everybody got into this one.  Unfortunately for Sariah, I could not figure out how to work "hippopotamus" in for the H.  Sometimes it's rough being 4 years old.  But hey, she knows what the letter H is for, right?  Seriously, though, Bob and I were so pleased with the kids' suggestions.  They know more about the gospel than we give them credit for.

And voila! we have a win for FHE.  Everyone was happy.  I know, it's unheard of.

Ok, so tonight I did spend a bunch of time prettifying the whole affair, and adding some scripture references.  With teens and toddlers in the same household, I wanted our mission statement to be simple, but to have some depth to it for the older ones to think on; hence, the scripture references.  And I wanted things to be cutesy enough to hang on the wall and not be ashamed of it.

Truth be told, I'm pretty excited about it!

Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?

I heard a version of this on the radio on Friday morning, and it reminded me rather forcefully of 9/11.  To be honest, some years I hardly notice as it passes.  When it comes to 9/11, sometimes I feel a little Toby Keith, and more often I feel a little Alan Jackson.  But on this, the 10th anniversary, this is the song that really made me stop, think, remember, and resolve.

My story is not that different that any others' outside the east coast. My husband called and told me to turn on the TV. Someone had crashed a plane into the World Trade Center. I am ashamed to admit I had no idea what the WTC was. Worse still, I wasn't sure I cared. Try to remember that I am of the generation that grew up watching contras and guerillas and hostages on the evening news every night. I was in college at OU when the OKC bombing occurred.  As I told my son, when I was growing up, someone was always fighting. I guess that is, unfortunately, the way of the world.

I did, however, turn on the TV.  And then I sat and cried as the second plane flew into the other tower.  You could see people on the top floors.  You could see people jumping from those skyscrapers.  And in watching that, you knew they were parts of families, somebody's precious loved ones.

My girls, ages 4 & 2, played outside in the backyard under an eerily silent sky.  My infant son wobbled at that back door then started screaming when the local air force base scrambled their fighter jets screaming into the air.  They wanted to know why Mommy was crying.  How could I possibly explain to their pure little hearts of the evil out there?

There is one haunting image from that day which has stayed with me all these years.  The TV camera crews were filming at a NYC hospital where all hands were on deck, prepared to triage the expected wounded and dying.  But no one came.  That, in and of itself, was the heart-stopping moment for me.  That is what has forever imprinted that day on my memory, just as JFK's assassination did for the generation before mine, and Pearl Harbor the generation before that.

Two years ago, I got to visit NYC for the first (and only) time. I fell in love!  Of course we visited Ground Zero.  They had recently begun construction for the memorial.  My brother, who had been the year before, was right.  It was emotional.  I felt the presence of those innocent lives.  I felt the heartbreak and the hurt.

But I also felt the hope and the resiliency,  And there in NYC, I could also feel the united strength of those who survive, who care, and who look to the day when tragedies like this one don't happen anymore.  It wasn't something I was feeling very often back home in the midwest.

Isn't it curious how out of the chaos and devastation those terrorists hoped to cause, they instead created a reverent, holy place?  The cost was too high, and yet, the consequence is not what they intended, I think.

In Time Magazine's memorial edition this week, Tom Brokaw says:

There was, at the moment of the attacks and in the days afterward, a kind of joining of hearts and minds and will in America, to get through this together. Somehow that’s begun to fray, and I think that’s sad. I don’t think it’s a worthy tribute to the people who died, and it ought not to be our legacy. We have to find a way to rekindle that flame.

I heard something remarkably similar in the words of Thomas S. Monson, president of my church, in the Washington Post online a few days later (it's an awesome article--you should go read it):

 There was, as many have noted, a remarkable surge of faith following the tragedy. People across the United States rediscovered the need for God and turned to Him for solace and understanding. Comfortable times were shattered. We felt the great unsteadiness of life and reached for the great steadiness of our Father in Heaven. And, as ever, we found it. Americans of all faiths came together in a remarkable way.

Sadly, it seems that much of that renewal of faith has waned in the years that have followed. Healing has come with time, but so has indifference. We forget how vulnerable and sorrowful we felt. Our sorrow moved us to remember the deep purposes of our lives. The darkness of our despair brought us a moment of enlightenment. But we are forgetful. When the depth of grief has passed, its lessons often pass from our minds and hearts as well.

These are the reasons the YouTube clip matters to me.  We have to remember--even if it means refreshing our memory from time to time.  But we also have to look to the here and now so that we can make tomorrow better.

What IS the Family Proclamation?

“…the family is central

to the Creator’s plan

for the eternal destiny

of His children.”

“Happiness in family life

is most likely to be achieved

when founded upon the teachings

of the Lord Jesus Christ.”

“Husband and wife

have a solemn responsibility

to love and care for each other

and for their children.”

“The family

is ordained of God.”

from The Family: A Proclamation to the World

The Church of Jesus Christ

 of Latter-day Saints

 Sixteen years ago, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released a statement on family.  They called it "The Family: A Proclamation to the World."  I remember listening to President Hinckley, the leader of our church, read it during a women's conference.  I had recently celebrated the one-year anniversary of my membership in the LDS church.  As the Prophet spoke unapologetically about the importance of family in a society where priorities were rapidly becoming mixed, I was thrilled to be a part of something so momentous.

At 20, the Proclamation resonated within me for several significant reasons.  I was in between the two most significant pieces of my life.  First, I was becoming a bit more independent of the family I'd been born into.  Though my family was not LDS as I was, the inestimable value I innately placed on family was because of a loving mother and father and a cherished brother who taught me all the things the Proclamation spoke of: "faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work and wholesome recreation activities."  I was incredibly fortunate to have happiness in family life because of these amazing people.  That certainly sets a high bar for future family relations.

And that future family was the second reason the Proclamation resonated so strongly for me.  What the Proclamation spoke of was what I wanted and hoped for in the family I would someday have.  Family is sacred.  Family is a solemn responsibility.  Family is honor and joy and hope and love and peace.  Family is central.  Fundamental.  Of God, and therefore holy.

Don't get me wrong with all this high-minded rhetoric.  I love the family I was born to, and they love me.  But I'm pretty sure I wasn't ... the easiest ... child to raise (particularly as a teen).  I remember some pretty intense ... um, learning opportunities ... in my home and among my family (I was usually the one doing the learning and/or teaching by trial and terror, I mean error).  And yet my parents still love me, my brother forgives me (I think?), and I've turned out to be a decent, respectable, functional member of society, as has my brother.  That's what family does.

The Family Proclamation doesn't directly mention patience, long-suffering, humility, meekness, or selflessness, but I'm pretty sure they are there.  We learn them vicariously first from the examples of our parents and siblings.  And then as we grow and mature (hopefully!), we learn them when we step out into the human family and, for some of us, into our roles as spouses and parents, where we often try perfecting these traits, whether we want to or not, with our chosen partners (bless them!) and the unfathomable little spirits Heavenly Father sends to our homes (and bless them, too, for surviving our learning curves!).

Even though it isn't always "fun," it's the perfect plan for teaching us to begin to love in the way that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us, infinitely and eternally.

I am so excited to spend some time over the next few weeks sharing with you what makes my families so amazing and how much they have blessed me, led me, guided me, lifted me up, and loved me. 

Stick around, I promise not to be so preachy all the time.  ;)

Just a Little Notification

If you have something like Google Reader to keep up with my blog, please disregard the thirty some odd posts that might have popped up this afternoon.  I just merged my two blogs together and all of those posts are from quite some time ago.

I mean, I guess you could read them (again), but don't feel obligated.  ;)

Pre-K Princess

 Today was my baby girl's first day of pre-K.  We had to wait for her name to come up on the waiting list, and they called yesterday.  We told her she would start tomorrow, but she was so excited that she wanted to start today.  So we checked her in at 11:30.  On the way to her school, she became sad and told me she would miss me.  But then after visiting her room, listening to a story, playing a wiggle game, and looking forward to play-doh time, she looked at me like, "Why are you even still here, Mom?!"

I'm having very mixed emotions about this.  Sariah and I have been inseparable for 4 years now.  There are pros and cons to that.  I think pre-K will be good for her, and I think it will be good for me.  Why am I so sad to see her go?  And at the same time that I'm glad we won't be driving each other nuts for so much of the day anymore?

More on Celebrate Family

I know I talked about this before, but I've since decided to really commit myself to it. I am very excited to focus on family here on my blog. But I want to know...what should I blog about family? Are there any suggestions, comments or requests out yonder on your end of the world?

If you haven't clicked on the button yet, you should.  You should go check out what it's all about, and you should check out the totally awesome prizes that these folks are giving away.  You'll want to participate then, too.  :)

Callaway Gardens, courtesy of Hannah

Callaway Gardens

Callaway Gardens is one of the reasons I decided I could live in Georgia and be happy doing it.  I was able to visit briefly in June when Bob and I were househunting.  It was absolutely gorgeous!!

Today, while I laid around at home nursing a fever, headache, and sore throat (surprise, surprise!), Bob took the kids to see Callaway Gardens.  Apparently, they had quite an adventure.  Because they came back with so many amazing photographs, I will need to break this into two posts.  Hannah took some fantastic pics of butterflies and flowers with her photog skilz--I'm going to put them in their own post.

In the mean time, peruse these pics and see what they did all day long.

 Exotic butterfly gardens.

 Cute babies!

 Life for Sariah is, as always, a musical.  And meanwhile, check out Rex's gangsta look.

 Apparently, this bird wasn't in a terribly fantastic mood.  Not too long afterwards he tried to take a bite out of his trainer's finger.

 Check out Sam's new sneakers--his very first pair.

I just want to eat him up, he's so flippin' cute!

 I think this is when Sam decided he was done walking.

 Caleb took this one.  I'm jealous I wasn't there.

 And of course, there's the obligatory snake on their nature hike.  I think it's an Eastern kingsnake, cuz you know I'm a snake identification expert (eyeroll).

 I like this one for two reasons: first, brotherly love; and second, Sam's curly curls in the back.

In Which I Reverse My Position

So after I vented all that hot air here on my blog yesterday, I sent myself off to complete the unfinished shopping.  Well.  Actually Bob sent me off.  And before that I walked the dogs.  A nice long walk that really did make me feel better.  But only slightly.  I took a nap somewhere in there, too.  That helped.  Sleep is always good.  I was still a really big, tearful grump.

One of the problems with having a chronic mental condition, like depression, is that it can be hard to determine if you are having a really bad day, or if you are hormonally ...erm... compromised, or if you really are heading into a downward slide.  Or maybe it's a combination of all three.  Which is the pits.  And which is probably what happened to me yesterday.

However, somewhere in my miserable Saturday, I recalled these words from President Gordon B. Hinckley, prophet and leader of our church for many years:

The most effective medicine for the sickness of self-pity is to lose ourselves in the service of others.  (From “Whosoever Will Save His Life,” Ensign, Aug. 1982, 5.)

Okay, so really I didn't recall those exact words.  I kinda remembered the gist of it.  And honestly, I remembered it with a little bit of a mental groan.  I mean, I really love that quote, but I really don't.  It requires so much of you.  And imagine!--when I go hunting for the quote, it comes worded like that.  (You can find the article here.)  At that point, I felt it fair to assume that this might be a little nudge from the still, small voice, otherwise known as the Holy Ghost.  Oh dear.  Probably shouldn't be avoiding those types of promptings.

Especially since President Hinckley also acknowledges that this was really the Savior Jesus Christ's message first and foremost:

My plea is—if we want joy in our hearts, if we want the Spirit of the Lord in our lives, let us forget ourselves and reach out. Let us put in the background our own personal, selfish interests and reach out in service to others. In so doing, we will find the truth of the Master’s great promise of glad tidings:

“Whosoever will save his life, shall lose it; or whosoever will save his life, shall be willing to lay it down for my sake; and if he is not willing to lay it down for my sake, he shall lose it.

“But whosoever shall be willing to lose his life for my sake, and the gospel, the same shall save it”....  (From “Whosoever Will Save His Life,” 6.)

I mentioned that I don't always like this quote.  Sometimes, when I am in the depths of my serotonin-starved despair, the thought of reaching out in service to others is a painful, insurmountable non-option.  Seriously, it's the nature of depression to devolve inward on oneself and not know how to snap out of that.

But yesterday, those words happened to be like a life preserver for a drowning person: me.

Which is how, today, I ended up making dinner for a woman who was recently released from the hospital after a bout of pneumonia.  And how I ended up having the missionaries over for dinner somewhat unexpectedly, since their dinner calendar had been empty for some time.  I spent a bunch of time in the kitchen, using up all those nice, shiny, new ingredients from my grocery trip, attacking them with knives and fire...oh wait, oh yeah, I was doing acts of service for others.  Yeah, yeah.

You know what, though?  I really do feel better.  It could be because I cleaned up the hazardous kitchen counters along with the rest of the Home Cave, so that I could have a house that would pass inspection for cooking for others, as well as guests in my home sweet home.

But I'm leaning more toward the idea that following that prompting was the way that the Lord could help me out this time.  He's like that, and that's why I love Him.

In Which I Seek Answers to Life's Great Questions

So, when I got up this morning at the happy late-Saturday-morning hour of before 7 a.m., the dogs met me in my doorway because they were ready to be walked, the baby was crying in his room to get out of his crib, poor Rex was on the bathroom floor because he felt like throwing up (did I mention 4 of the 6 are sick with relatively high fevers?), Sariah was in my bed where she'd arrived at 5, and Bob was sound asleep after conducting a job interview with somebody on the other side of the world at some ridiculous hour in the middle of the night here.  I walked past the kitchen, and saw all the dishes out--not a single one put away, including the bowl of absolutely scrumptious honeydew melon, which I don't even like but I'm telling you this stuff was YUMMY and 0 WW points, which had sat out all night and not been returned to the fridge (is it even safe to eat now?).  I strolled (OK, at this point, I was most likely dangerously close to stomping) past my living room and spied dirty clothes everywhere, stinky shoes all over, books, toys, pencils, you name it, scattered EVERYWHERE.  And my desk, my office workspace, looks like it's buried under mounds of paper--mind you, I cleaned it off earlier this week, like 2 days ago.  I went to check on Rex, and the bathroom door wouldn't open easily, because there were so many dirty clothes piled behind the door.  I went to get Sam, and stepped on a duplo lego on my way--can we say pain?  I closed the girls' bedroom door so they could rest, since they are tired and sick.  I had closed my bedroom door, so my husband and The Diva could rest.  Meanwhile, the dogs were following me around, Jonah pushing his cold nose into the crook of my elbow; for some reason, this gives me the heebie jeebies.  Oh, and Sariah woke up after all.  And Sam demanded breakfast.  And Caleb wanted to know if he could make pancakes.  In the kitchen whose countertops you can't see.  And Sariah wanted cereal.  And the dogs still needed to be walked.

All this after the day where I dealt with a very cranky and sick Sam.  And a very cranky Diva.  A Wal-mart run for supplies, which I didn't get to finish because Sam got feverish again in the middle (YES, I took a sick kid to Wal-mart, so sue me), and which I had put off all week because Sam and Sariah has been sick all week long.  A trip to the Health Department (oh what joy is mine, I absolutely ADORE the way they treat you there...not!) to obtain "official" shot records for my school-age children, only to be told that Lizzi is, naturally, missing some shots that she needs to have by next Tuesday (AND did I mention we just got health insurance on Thursday, and the health department can no longer give us shots BECAUSE we have health insurance, and there's no way a doctor in town will get us in by Tuesday since we are new patients, and the Minute Clinic at CVS administers practically every vaccine BUT the chicken pox booster Lizzi needs for school?).  And a trip to the grocery store because we have been massively out of anything that I can throw a WW-worthy meal together with for several days since I was waiting for the beginning of September (has to do with something inconvenient called pay day) and for the littles to get well enough for me to go to the store.  And when I got home, Sam and Sariah were screaming bloody murder, and some of the older kids (including Hannah, otherwise known as my right hand, blessed girl!) were running fevers, and I had all these groceries to put away (in a clean kitchen, thank you, family! oh yeah, it's not clean anymore), and Sariah needed seriously to be put in bed, and Bob wanted to go on a date (which, ordinarily, would be a fabulous idea), and the girls were fighting.  And.  And.  And.

It's a day in the life of this wonderful, crazy, exhausting adventure I'm on, called My Very Own Family.

Don't get me wrong.  I really love them, and I chose this life because it's what I wanted.  And it's what I still want.

But some days, I long for some Calgon (do they even sell that anymore?) and a big garden tub that doesn't regularly grow mildew because everything in Georgia apparently grows mildew rapidly if they are covered in water 24/7 because everyone wants to use your tub to bathe in.  I find myself asking repeatedly, and more grumpily with each incantation, "Must I do everything around here?"

What's the deal?  Am I too much of a control freak?  Am I not patient enough?  Are my kids really lazy bums, or it is that I'm too freakin' tired to fight with them to make them do things they don't want to do?  How is it that in Norman, I was the PTA president, had a calling in church, and had a social life, and still managed to survive days like the last 24 hours without flipping out like I feel like doing this morning?

How do I shake myself out of this pity party?

Discuss.