Sunshine & Music

Today was a beautiful day for being outdoors, which is one of Madeline's favorite things ever.

Junebug is the best because she likes to be still while being loved on.

She's old, but Junie B. still loves to play.

Look, Junie! An airplane!

 Caleb tolerated being photographed.

Tonight at Girl Scouts, Sariah taught a badge about music. The girls made instruments and played them, but they had the most fun playing with Hannah's cello and guitar, Caleb's trumpet, and Mom's flute. Shhh! Don't tell Sariah I put that trumpet picture in here. I'd probably get in mucho trouble.

District Honor Chorus

My handsome oldest little man at district honor chorus last weekend.  Sure loved getting to go and listen to them sing.  His chorus was outstanding.

Be Still, My Soul

Be Still, My Soul

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;

With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In ev’ry change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav’nly Friend

Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as he has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast’ning on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Text: Katharina von Schlegel, b. 1697; trans. by Jane Borthwick, 1813–1897

There's a great version of this on YouTube.  The 2nd verse is a little different, and I prefer the verse above.  But this is still a beautiful rendition by Libera, the boys choir from the UK.

This is one of the songs that, on a dark night, I found myself humming, not knowing the words.  After I'd hummed it repeatedly for about an hour, it occurred to me to find my hymnbook and look up the lyrics.  It really spoke to me about how my depression was my personal "cross of grief or pain," about how the Lord was my best and heavenly friend, and how the way out was through Christ--the thorny way just like the thorns He wore upon His head as He worked out the Atonement.  It was the first time I understood that Christ's Atonement isn't just the cure for our sins but for all of the things that ail us.

The second verse was personal for me as well, since I was going through an intense period of asking Why?  Why did my own brain and body betray me?  Why was this my challenge in life?  Why couldn't I just be happy like everybody else?  The funny thing about my depression was that I knew I "should" be happy with my life, but I couldn't make myself do it.  This verse taught me to trust that God has a plan for me, even though I don't know what it is, and someday "All now mysterious shall be bright at last."  Sometimes trusting in God's plan means not getting hung up on the whys, and for me, this was one of those times.  I don't ask why very often anymore.  It just is.  It's part of Heavenly Father's plan, and I trust that He is smarter than I.

The third verse seals that assurance for me.  "When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,/Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored."  Often with depression, it feels like disappointment, grief, fear, sorrow are larger than life, impossibly difficult to deal with, and happier emotions are dim and hard to imagine, let alone experience.  I love that phrase--"love's purest joys restored"--I'm banking on that.  I know that already many of my joys have been restored to me, but in the dark moments, this is a promise for the future that I hold onto.

Each person's cross is different.  And sometimes the cross we have to bear at one time in our life is different than our cross at another time in life.  What I know is that this hymn at one time taught me to hope, and it taught me that Heavenly Father sent His love to me when I needed it most.  When I need to take a deep breath, and find that still, quiet place in my heart, this is my go-to song.  Hope it brings you some peace, too.

Things Are Gonna Get Better

Living with bouts of depression isn't always easy.  I think that's pretty self-explanatory.



BUT the good news is: now that I know what I'm dealing with and that I have a treatment plan, it's a lot easier to cope with the bad days.  Sometimes I can even predict and plan for and minimize a bad day, which is useful to say the least.  Sometimes I forget that I know a bad day is coming.  Those are the worst days for me anymore.  But they are still better than before we knew what was going on, because I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that this is a passing moment.  I just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Even more good news is that my Father in Heaven is looking out for me, even when I'm not looking out for myself.  A lot of time He communicates His love for me and His reassurances through music.  It could be church music, it could be something on the radio, it's even been listening to one of my girls sing to herself before, or reading the lyrics to a song in the hymnbook or on the web.  Occasionally, when I'm feeling down, I get a prompting to listen to a song that helps, or I realize I'm humming a hymn and when I think about the words, they are exactly what I need to hear.

Three days ago, Caleb put a David Archuleta CD on in my truck.  I was a bit exasperated because he's really obsessed with this CD right now, and between that and Sariah's Beauty and the Beast craving, I haven't really been listening to everything I want to while I'm out taxiing about.  Plus, Lizzi's addicted to one song on the David Archuleta CD, so we listen to it a lot (it's a fun song, which is why I tolerate the repeats, lol!).

This morning, I found myself really grateful that Caleb put this CD in.  After a sick day yesterday (because I drank orange juice with acid in it, even though I totally know better) and a really rough emotional morning running circles in my own head, this song was just starting when I turned the truck on.  I don't know how many times I've listened to it before, but today...today it was for me, and that makes all the difference.  I will remember it every time I hear the song now, and the darkness that is my depression takes one more permanent step backwards.  Slowly but surely, right?

In case you are interested, here are the lyrics:
Yeah, Yeah,

Mmmmm

Everybody’s got a time in their life
When everything hurts and nothing’s right
But you gotta walk on
Yeah, you gotta walk on

Everybody’s got a piece of their heart
That’s been stepped on and torn apart
But you gotta be strong
Yeah, you gotta walk on

‘Cause I know it’s hard to have the strength
And sometimes you can’t get through the day
But things just float on by like a river in the night

But I know things are gonna get better
And I know things are gonna be fine
And I know life is gonna get better
Standing here together
Yeah, we’re gonna be fine

Everybody’s got that one regret
No matter how they try, they can’t forget
But you gotta move on
Yeah, you gotta move on
Everybody’s got someone they’ve lost
And they can’t believe they’re really gone
But you gotta live on
Yeah, you gotta live on

‘Cause I know it’s hard to have the strength
And sometimes all you feel is pain
But time keeps floating by on that river in the night

But I know things are gonna get better
I know things are gonna be fine
And I know life is gonna get better
Standing here together
Yeah, we’re gonna be fine

And I’ve been shown hope
I see it in your eyes
So take me and touch me
‘Cause with a little bit of love
We can win the fight
With a little bit of love
We can see the light
With a little bit of love
It’ll be all right

I know things are gonna get better
And I know things are gonna be fine
And I know life is gonna get better
Standing here together
Yeah, we’re gonna be fine

Walk, walk, walk on by
Keep, keep, keep walking on
Keep, keep, keep walking on

Music

Never underestimate the power of music to change your mood, your frame of mind, your life.  Went to an awesome Christmas concert tonight.  Hannah, Lizzi, and Caleb were in two of the choirs that participated.  That topped off a day when I heard some of my favorite Christmas songs.  What are your favorites?  I'm going to post my tops tomorrow.  :)