Weighing In on Weighing In

I recommitted myself to Weight Watchers this week.  I'd been getting lazy, not tracking, and here recently, not really caring either.  That's bad.  It means that I have stayed within 2 pounds of my 10% goal for weeks ... ok, 2 months actually.  That's so ridiculous.

So.  I'm back on the bandwagon.  I have faithfully tracked my food and activity EVERY. DAY. this week.  AND I've been to the gym to work out, in addition to walking the dogs.

We got a Y membership, and we are loving it.  This Y is so nice!  They have an awesome training program for new members, and they are much more family oriented than our old Y was.  That means the older kids can use the exercise machines, or they can come to classes with me, or they can go to their very own classes.  It's wonderful, and I'm totally psyched to get back in shape again.

Weighing In

It's been awhile since I've blogged about my weight-loss adventure.  That's because it's not going particularly well.  It's not going particularly bad either.  It's just ... not going.  I'm still holding steady at a 15 pound loss, which is nothing to sniff at.  I am down a pants size, down 2 dress sizes.

I tell myself that I've hit a plateau, which might be true.  Or it could be that I haven't really been tracking what I eat.  I do still weight in at WW each week, which keeps me in line, but I need to get back in the habit of attending the meetings.  There are always lots of ideas and help and support at those.

The good news is that I am still exercising--walking the dogs a couple of miles in the morning (or whenever I get around to it) and using the Wii 3 times a week.

I have been doing a lot of emotional eating because of stress.  I need to get a handle on that.  I have an especially hard time during the fall and winter because I start craving comfort foods like sweets (when don't I crave those?), creamy soups, and bread, bread, bread.  They aren't bad in moderation ... but I'm not good at moderating.

My goal for the holiday season is to not gain weight.  Maintain or lose, but not gain.  Somebody told me the average American gains from 5-15 lbs between Halloween and New Year's.  I thought that sounded like a bit much; I don't think I've ever gained more than 5 pounds at the holidays (just 30 over the course of a year, lol).  But I don't want to join the crowd.  And my secret perfectionist self really, really wants to lose.  But I don't want to give up the yummy holiday food.  Anyone else see a problem here?

Still, I am planning what I eat on Thanksgiving Day.  I have been really good the last few years about not eating until I'm gorged.  Still, I want to stay within my points this year.  Fortunately, I'm in charge of the relish tray, which means I can stack it with dill pickles and veggies and low-fat dip, which I can eat to my heart's content.

I think I need to go on a hunt for my self-discipline, though.

Grrrrr...eat

So, I didn't post my Wednesday weigh-in.  I generally post something on Facebook, and since I didn't blog much this past week....  Anyhow, I lost 1 pound, which brings my grand total loss up to 10.6 pounds.  Of course I am very excited about that.

However.

It's my jeans.  My very favoritest jeans; there are about 3 pairs of them that I adore.  They were tight so I quit wearing them.  So when we moved, I packed them in a box.  Yeah.  That's bad.  Because now I can't find the box.  I should be able to find the box, because it was supposed to wind up in our apartment, not the storage unit, and I was hoping to be back in them by Christmas.

The good news is that I can fit back in them MUCH sooner.  Like now.  The bad news is that I can't find them.  And it's getting colder.  And I have to do things this month like pay the phone bill, so there aren't any shopping sprees in my future.

It's not a terrible dilemma to have.  But it is a dilemma.  Especially when my pants start slipping down my hips.

It's Been a Week

That could probably be my whole post.  But just for history's sake, I will elaborate.

I've been reading my scriptures, praying, and writing in my journal every night.  As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are counseled to do those things regularly.  I've always liked to journal; I just don't always do so consistently.  It's been really good for me to review and reflect, and it's been really good to read about the Savior every day.

What is so typical of me is that I just had to take it to the next level.  And make a to-do list for the next day every night.  On the up side, there are a lot of things I'm reminded to do that I don't always remember to do (like take my vitamins).  On the down side, there are a lot of things I haven't got crossed off my list (like the mopping, which has been on my list every day since Tuesday).  And being a closet perfectionist, that really bugs me, not having everything neatly crossed off at the end of the day.

So, what do I do with something that helps and hurts at the same time?  Because I'm so proud of myself for getting some things done every day.  And I'm so depressed that I can't get it all done.  Obviously, I need to psychoanalyze that, or something, so that I can move forward with life.

In the mean time, I did make it to my Wednesday weigh-in at Weight Watchers.  I lost another 1/2 lb, which was a little disappointing, but not in light of that fettucine alfredo.  I try to remember to evaluate my weight loss in terms other than the scale; sometimes that's a bit more encouraging.  My pants are falling down--yeehaw!  My muffin top is shrinking--yippee!  The scale doesn't intimidate me as much as it used to--woot! woot!  I can get up the hill to our apartment building without feeling like I will die immediately--rock on!  I'm thinking I might actually track down my "skinny"-er jeans (I'm not even close to my skinny jeans, but still...)--I'm so awesome.

See, I feel better already.  :)

Now, on to my list....

Weigh-In Wednesday

[Disclaimer: I totally stole the title of this post from Christy Nelson.]

It's time for a little accountability.  I've been keeping myself somewhat accountable on Facebook, but I decided a more detailed record of how fabulously this is going might be wise (you know, for future purposes).

I was down 3.6 lbs today when I weighed in at Weight Watchers, for a total of almost 10 lbs.  I'm so excited!  It wasn't long ago that I thought 10 lbs was the impossible mission.

Incidentally, when I was looking for clip art for this post, I found all sorts of scales with HAPPY people on them.  Really?  I mean, I knew I'd lost weight this week, but I still stood on the scale with my arms folded and my eyes squeezed tight.  Funny how I didn't see any similar clip art.  (Sorry, no real-life pictures here.  You didn't really think that would happen yet, did you?)

I really, really like the new Weight Watchers Points Plus program.  It's not completely calorie-based anymore.    And fruits and veggies don't cost you anything.  That means that when I'm really heading towards losing my self-control, I can pig out on strawberries and grapes as much as I want.  Of course, when I've already lost control, I go straight for ice cream, chocolate and peanut butter.  But that's another post.  Or several, as I've already proven.  In any case, with the new program, I don't feel hungry all the time.  Sometimes I even get to the end of my day and have points left over.  I know, that's crazy, right?

I now weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with Sam.  I saw a long-lost 2nd digit on the scale.  Next stop will be post-Sariah.  Well, it won't actually be a stop, but you get the idea.

I am happy to report that I feel better all of the time, and I can tell when I've screwed up in my eating choices.  The bad choices just aren't so much worth it anymore.  I can even turn my nose up at a fresh McDonald's french fry.  Today, I found myself craving a tomato.  A tomato?  Since when?  But I salted it and peppered it, and it was delish.

I'm also keeping up with the exercise component.  I take the dogs, and sometimes Sam, out everyday for 30-45 minutes.  Yeah, I only do it because of the dogs.  Otherwise, I'd be struggling to keep up with that.  I do have to be compelled in some things.

And There's More ... or Less?

Even though I really didn't want to leave the house yesterday, I also managed to drag myself, with Sam in tow, over to Weight Watchers at 8 (flippin') o'clock in the morning.  My first meeting.

There was less of me to report in.  That's a good thing.

Sam cried the entire time.  Until I bought him snacks.  Then he stopped crying, but wouldn't let me put him down.

I ran into a new friend from church (and quilting) there.  That made me smile.

I am really glad I went.  I got several good ideas (write the points value on all the food you have in the house, because sometimes looking it up in the moment doesn't sound like such a good idea).  I met a man who'd lost 155 lbs!  Clearly, he has far more self-control than I do.  I have 50 lbs to go, and some days it feels like an insurmountable mountain.  But I'm super committed!  I have been so good since last Friday.  I have counted every point, and shunned the worst of the worst.  Although.  I did buy a box of frozen Reese's Peanut Butter Cup treats at Sam's two days ago that remain unopened because I'm saving them.  For Family Home Evening.  They're new; it's good to try new things.  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, and as a reward!  After all, even WW tells you not to make yourself feel deprived.  (And, no, I have absolutely NOT gotten around to calculating the points for those; don't be ridiculous!)  Anyway, I got a little distracted there...the point is I'm strong, I'm committed, I'm still excited. That's a good thing, too.

It's good to know I'm doing some of the right things to keep me functioning.  :)

Boring ... but then again ...

My days here have taken on a boring predictability that includes walking the dogs, changing diapers, cleaning up the apartment (again), grocery shopping, and making ourselves residents of Georgia.

I surrendered my Oklahoma driver's license on Friday.  It made me sad.  Especially after I saw the picture on my new license.  Lol!  On the up side, I was only in the department of driver services about 30 minutes with 2 small children.  Sam was apparently the entertainment of the day, running back and forth and creating mayhem, but he was too cute for anyone to get mad at.  Thankfully.

I joined Weight Watchers on Friday.  Again.  I am seriously committed this time, since I am having to take out of my grocery budget to pay for this.  I am excited to try the new program--I think it's more nutritionally accurate, in light of all the information that's come out in the last several years.  And after 5 days, I am now aware that I have been eating terribly in regards to quality and quantity.  Unfortunately, only 4 year olds have slimmed off trudging up and down the hill to the bus stop daily.  Oh to be younger!  I had a friend once tell me that once you hit about 30, it became much harder to keep weight off.  She was right.  I'm sure giving birth to 5 kids doesn't help much either.

We had a really great Family Home Evening last night about how during Christ's ministry, He not only went about preaching and teaching, but healing those around Him.  We are focusing in our FHEs more on the Savior's ministry.  We frequently tell our children to be like Jesus Christ, but I want to make sure we are teaching them what He was like.  We talked a lot about how to be like Christ in this aspect of healing--how our words and are actions should soothe and comfort others.  I used an article from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.  You can find the article here.

My favorite part came from the end of the article where the Atonement of Christ was addressed.  As much as we help and serve others, we are only to be instruments in His hands, and we are still ever-dependent on Jesus Christ for all that we are and have.  For someone who has been through some dark times in her life--both those caused by sin & error as well as those caused by a physical & emotional affliction of the mind--Elder Holland's words really found a place in my heart:

In spite of life’s tribulations, there is help for all of us on this journey. When Christ bids us to yield, to submit, to obey the Father, He knows how to help us do that. He has walked that way, asking us to do what He has done, but He has made it very much easier for our travel. He knows where the sharp stones and the stumbling blocks lie and where the thorns and the thistles are the most severe. He knows where the path is perilous, and He knows which way to go when the road forks and nightfall comes. He knows that because He has suffered “pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind … that he may know … how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:11–12). To succor means “to run to.” I testify that Christ will run to us, and is running even now, if we will but receive the extended arm of His mercy.

When we stagger or stumble, He is there to steady and strengthen us. In the end He is there to save us, and for all this He gave His life. However dim our days may seem, they have been a lot darker for the Savior of the world. As a reminder of those days, Jesus has chosen, even in a resurrected, otherwise perfected body, to retain for the benefit of His disciples the wounds in His hands and in His feet and in His side—signs, if you will, that painful things happen even to the pure and the perfect; signs, if you will, that pain in this world is not evidence that God doesn’t love you; signs, if you will, that problems pass and happiness can be ours. Remind others that it is the wounded Christ who is the Captain of our souls, He who yet bears the scars of our forgiveness, the lesions of His love and humility, the torn flesh of obedience and sacrifice.

There really isn't anything that needs to be added to that.  :)

Update

My divorce from peanut butter remains in effect.  I've lost some weight.  I can't go back there any time soon.  I still miss it.  Sometimes I stand in front of the cabinet door, debating with myself about whether I'm staying on the bandwagon.  But I NEVER open the door, because then the battle would be over.  My kids and the neighbor kids think I'm a little loony, but really, if it's working I can't stop it.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Break Up

Dear Peanut Butter,

That's it!  We're through.  I'm breaking up with you.  In the words of those great philosophers, Rascal Flatts, "I don't wanna see you anymore/I'm just not that strong/I love it when you're here/But I'm better when you're gone/Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease release me!"  You are very, very bad for me, and we can't keep going this way.  I must give you up entirely or face my certain doom.  I made it all day yesterday without you.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  Even when I was driven to stress eating (yes, I'm an emotional eater) by my 3-year-old who refused to go to bed last night and I couldn't resist the sugar anymore, I chose Lemon Chalet Cremes (I don't even want to know what's in those, but it's not my beloved PB) instead of Tagalongs which are filled with nothing but you.  And I survived.  I can do this.  Please don't take it personally.  We're just not right for each other.  Don't call me.  Don't wait.  I can't come back any time soon.  This is it.  This is good-bye.

Love,
Me

What I've Learned

I have sporadically been monitoring what I eat with livestrong.com for the last few weeks.  And I've learned a lot more than I thought I would.  Please be patient with this post.  I get so excited about it that I get a little scatterbrained.  Because I am never ever scatterbrained otherwise.  No, really.

I've done the Weight Watchers thing, and I loved it.  About 4 years ago (right before I decided to have 2 more babies and by default gain 40 lbs.), I lost about 30 lbs with Weight Watchers.  And on and off again, over those years I've used their online food tracking system.  I thought it was pretty decent, although I had some issues with user-friendliness.

The livestrong thing has its pros and cons, but it certainly answers to my user-friendly issues, and for some reason, I had an easier time dealing with my emotional issues with this than the WW.  One thing I learned from WW is that when you are tracking your food, you have to think of it as a tool which enables you to know yourself and make necessary changes.  You can't look at it as the food police putting limits on you, and you can't be afraid to monitor your food choices, good or bad.  You kind of have to take the emotions out of it.  When I tracked my food before, I'd hit my limit for the day and give completely up.  I think because my new tracker breaks things down into a little more detail it was easier for me to look at my choices a little more objectively.  Anyway.  Whatever.  It's all rationalization and gets me farther away from the point I'm really trying to make here.

So, I learned a lot more about what I eat than I did with WW.  With WW (under the old points system, not the one they've come out with this year, in all fairness), I was counting my points (essentially calories) and trying to stay within my range.

With my new-to-me tracker, I've learned that even when I'm staying within the calorie goals I've set for myself, I eat a lot, a lot, a lot of fat.  True, it's better-for-you fat than I used to eat; I've spent some time trying to get partially hydrogenated oils out of our cabinets.  But still, it's a lot of fat.  Way more than the recommended 30% of your calories.  I'm sure that eating peanut butter by the spoonful has nothing whatsoever to do with this.  Even though this should have been really obvious to me, this was a real revelation for me.  I thought I was being good (except for the PB), but I wasn't.

Then, combine that whole fat thing with the realization that I don't get nearly enough fiber.  Not even close.  Not that this is really a shocking realization since I tend to crave refined carbs and avoid fresh vegetables.  But still.  I need more fiber.

And, and, and I get way too much salt.  (Fluid retention, anyone?)  Again, this shouldn't be a shock to this American since we hear about all three of these issues regularly.  Still, though, I thought I was doing so good.

AND (this might seem totally random, but it's a big deal to me since I am an avid milk-drinker) did you know that Braum's fat-free milk, which we buy because it's BGH free, has 50 MORE CALORIES per cup than other brands of fat-free milk?  I sure didn't until about 2 weeks ago.  How does that work anyway?  It creates a dilemma for me.  Another reason we buy from Braum's is because a gallon of milk there costs the same as a half gallon of organic milk at Wal-Mart or Target.  When your family of 8 goes through 4 gallons of milk a week, that's a whole lotta $$$ (upwards of $55/month).

And suddenly, voila!  No wonder I stay put at my current weight.  Not to mention that my exercise program has gone completely out the window. 


Soooooo, I am now going to work really hard at altering my food choices.  This won't be easy.  Expect whining.  And crying.  I'm such a wuss, and so in love with food.  But I gotta do this.  Wish me luck!

Quirky

I think I've been tagged by Karen. Look out, you may be next ... so don't make too much fun of me. And since I'm never quirky, it took me all night to come up with my list, by the way.

6 Quirky Things about Tracy

1. Millipedes make my toes curl. I'd rather run into a centipede or a rat or a scorpion or a frog or a rabid dog or even a snake (this, from the woman who called a member of her bishopric at 6 am to remove a snake from her bathroom counter). Millipedes. Are. Gross.
2. The Backyardigans is my favorite TV show ever. Seriously. When the kids have it on, I must sit and watch from start to finish. My favorite episodes are Pirates' Treasire and The Key to the Nile. I even own Backyardigans CDs and listen to them regularly.
3. I pick my kids' toenails. Ew. I think it's because I run out of my own nails to pick. I know, I should probably join Toenail Pickers Anonymous. My kids tell me so frequently. They have also developed really creative evasion tactics, liking screaming abuse when I come near their toes.
4. I don't like hard candy. Or breath mints. Or chewy candy. Or anything like unto these things. It must be soft, gooey, really chocolatey or peanut buttery or both (my mouth waters just thinking about it), and highly fattening, or it's not worth my taste buds' investment of time and energy. A dish full of candy corn or peppermints can last in my presence for months. But not chocolate chips. Even when I was little, suckers and the like just didn't do anything for me.
5. I don't lose weight, no matter how hard I try, unless I'm daily studying my scriptures, too. It's some freaky weird thing Heavenly Father has to do to me to keep me in line. Yes, sometimes I must be compelled to do what's right. It's been that way since college. Of course, my candy preferences (see #4 above) also play a role in this.
6. I am grateful for my depression. It's not always fun to deal with when it's bad. It's probably not the trial that I would have handpicked. But it was handpicked for me, by the One who knows what's best for me, and it has taught me patience, compassion, perseverance, empathy for others' afflictions, and to judge less often (I wish I could say never, but I'm still a work in progress).

So, now you know that I'm a closet toenail-picker, openly mentally diseased, a millipede hater, Backyardigans-obsessed, and weight-challenged. You know the real me. What about you?

Hmm...whom should I tag? Tiffany, Christy, Staci, Allison, Melessa, and Sharon. Because I know you girls are eager to air your innermost quirks to the world.

Pat Me on the Back

I'm sorry to burden you all with my weight loss saga. Ok, I'm not really sorry. This is my blog, after all. So, if you're not interested, feel free to tune out now.

Meanwhile, I hit my all time high weight the week before my surgery. It was very depressing. Especially since the removal of 2 cysts big enough to be taken out and a few organs here and there really didn't do anything for my weight. That was disappointing. And there were only a few pounds separating me and Bob. That was exasperating.

Hey, you look for help wherever you can get it, if it looks like it isn't going to be any work, right?

Well, in the last month, I've brought my weight down 14 pounds, and my BMI down 2 points. Woohoo! Party on.

NO, there is absolutely NO need for you to point out that in those 4-5 weeks, I spent 2 weeks extremely ill with some freaky-weird gastrointestinal something, on an entirely liquid diet that didn't prevent me from becoming dehydrated. Just because I lost 10 pounds in those 2 weeks doesn't actually signify anything. There is no need to rain on my parade.

I mean, I gained 4 pounds back when I started eating again.

Like I said, you look for help wherever you can get it (particularly when you're feeling desperate).

Of course, be careful what you wish for. It seems to me that I once heard about a friend now living in South America who went from heavy to thin rather rapidly because of parasites in the water there that she wasn't accustomed to. It sounded appealing, losing weight quickly and without any effort (meaning self-control), right?

You know what? I don't think it could have been pleasant, and from now I'll stick to doing it the "old-fashioned" way: diet, exercise and self-control. (Not that I actually tried to do it the quickie way. Just thought to take advantage of an opportunity.) And I'm gonna be happy doing it.

I'll just pat myself on the back now, and let you get back to the more important details of your day.