Friday, May 25, 2012
5 Years Ago
Today is the birthday of our sweet youngest daughter, Sariah. As I have been looking back through our photos, I am suddenly struck with how she's just not a baby anymore. She's turned into a little girl. And she knows it now, too. In the past when I've told her she's my baby, she has been highly offended that I would call her that when she's such a big girl. When I picked her up from school yesterday, I said, "What happened to my baby?! She's all grown up and ready to be a kindergartner now!!" And instead of getting upset and saying she's never been my baby, Sariah said, "Mooo-ooooom! I'm still your baby. You call Hannah your baby, too." Oh my heavens, she really is growing up.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Anniversary Musings
So today, Bob and I have been married for 16 years. When we were engaged and first married, I thought 16 years was an incredibly loooooooong time. If you stayed married for 16 years, it was a sure thing, right? I mean, you were assured your golden anniversary and time and all eternity. For sure.
But I wake up in the morning and go to bed at night, and I can't believe it's been 16 years. It went by in the blink of an eye. Wasn't it just yesterday we were walking hand in hand into the temple to be married with no kids and hearts full of dreams and heads full of plans? Blink of an eye, I tell you.
When I was in college, there were a couple of guys I could have married, a few that I thought I would marry. I think I would have been happy with any of them. They are successful, good family men who honor their covenants, provide for their families, and love their wives and the Lord.
I believe that the Lord lets you choose whom you will marry. And I believe that He led me to mine. We aren't perfect--we both have faults and flaws. But our strengths tend to complement each other's and make up for the other's weaknesses. Things have happened in my life that I think only Bob could have pulled me through. I love how we laugh together, and how tender he is when I'm acting like a girl. I love how hard he works at everything he does, and I love how he loves the Lord. And though I think the Lord would have let me make any choice in husband, and done His best to bless that union, He was really super smart when He took the time to convince me to marry Bob.
In honor of our anniversary, I give you 16 things our marriage has taught me:
1. Bob is perfect. He told me this before we got married. But I didn't understand. I do now.
2. When neither one of you can sleep at night, you should wonder why. It's probably because the garage door is wide open. But if it's not, you know you have a problem
3. Kids are expensive. But worth it. You just have to ignore the dollar signs that sprout up all. over. the place.
4. "Yes, dear" has multiple meanings, depending upon who is saying it, who is hearing it, and who it is being said to. Oh yeah, and what it's being said about.
5. If it can break, it will. When you can least afford it. And when it's most inconvenient. Every. Time.
6. Laughter is the best medicine.
7. Some people are big babies when they are sick. And he still loves me anyway.
8. Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. I know saying this will be provocative, and I don't believe Bob and I are boxed into specific gender roles ... but marriage should cure you of thinking that there is no difference between men and women.
9. Dirty dishes and dirty laundry and grass grow fast. But not as fast as your kids. Sometimes it's worth it to give up a chore for your family. Course, you probably shouldn't give up ALL your chores. Just sayin'. If your kids smell too badly, someone might investigate.
10. I've kept our plant alive for 16 years (yes, I was a cheesy 20 year old, and bought us a plant in symbolism). Ok, Bob may have watered the plant a few times. If I can keep the plant alive, this marriage thing should be a piece of cake, right?
11. Whenever you judge someone as marriage partners or parents, you are about 50 times more likely to end up with that problem yourself. ASAP.
12. When you don't keep up with the budget, everyone is stressed. Life is not pleasant. As long as you know for sure that you have no money and/or how much money you don't have, it's all good.
13. Pregnant women areloving, rational, kind human beings crazy.
14. Crumbs in the bed will be a source of marital strife. In the marriage relationship, one of you will always be the princess. And it isn't me, I swear. But at least I know he's worthy of me, right?
15. Prayer changes things. It usually doesn't change the other person, but it changes your perspective, your attitude, and your ability to be more Christlike. It's an important detail, I guess.
16. The best cure for heartache is the arms of the man you love around you. Especially when he smells like your favorite deodorant.
I love this man. I love being married to this man. Even when I'm mad at him. And especially when he's busy being the great guy that he is.
But I wake up in the morning and go to bed at night, and I can't believe it's been 16 years. It went by in the blink of an eye. Wasn't it just yesterday we were walking hand in hand into the temple to be married with no kids and hearts full of dreams and heads full of plans? Blink of an eye, I tell you.
When I was in college, there were a couple of guys I could have married, a few that I thought I would marry. I think I would have been happy with any of them. They are successful, good family men who honor their covenants, provide for their families, and love their wives and the Lord.
I believe that the Lord lets you choose whom you will marry. And I believe that He led me to mine. We aren't perfect--we both have faults and flaws. But our strengths tend to complement each other's and make up for the other's weaknesses. Things have happened in my life that I think only Bob could have pulled me through. I love how we laugh together, and how tender he is when I'm acting like a girl. I love how hard he works at everything he does, and I love how he loves the Lord. And though I think the Lord would have let me make any choice in husband, and done His best to bless that union, He was really super smart when He took the time to convince me to marry Bob.
In honor of our anniversary, I give you 16 things our marriage has taught me:
1. Bob is perfect. He told me this before we got married. But I didn't understand. I do now.
2. When neither one of you can sleep at night, you should wonder why. It's probably because the garage door is wide open. But if it's not, you know you have a problem
3. Kids are expensive. But worth it. You just have to ignore the dollar signs that sprout up all. over. the place.
4. "Yes, dear" has multiple meanings, depending upon who is saying it, who is hearing it, and who it is being said to. Oh yeah, and what it's being said about.
5. If it can break, it will. When you can least afford it. And when it's most inconvenient. Every. Time.
6. Laughter is the best medicine.
7. Some people are big babies when they are sick. And he still loves me anyway.
8. Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. I know saying this will be provocative, and I don't believe Bob and I are boxed into specific gender roles ... but marriage should cure you of thinking that there is no difference between men and women.
9. Dirty dishes and dirty laundry and grass grow fast. But not as fast as your kids. Sometimes it's worth it to give up a chore for your family. Course, you probably shouldn't give up ALL your chores. Just sayin'. If your kids smell too badly, someone might investigate.
10. I've kept our plant alive for 16 years (yes, I was a cheesy 20 year old, and bought us a plant in symbolism). Ok, Bob may have watered the plant a few times. If I can keep the plant alive, this marriage thing should be a piece of cake, right?
11. Whenever you judge someone as marriage partners or parents, you are about 50 times more likely to end up with that problem yourself. ASAP.
12. When you don't keep up with the budget, everyone is stressed. Life is not pleasant. As long as you know for sure that you have no money and/or how much money you don't have, it's all good.
13. Pregnant women are
14. Crumbs in the bed will be a source of marital strife. In the marriage relationship, one of you will always be the princess. And it isn't me, I swear. But at least I know he's worthy of me, right?
15. Prayer changes things. It usually doesn't change the other person, but it changes your perspective, your attitude, and your ability to be more Christlike. It's an important detail, I guess.
16. The best cure for heartache is the arms of the man you love around you. Especially when he smells like your favorite deodorant.
I love this man. I love being married to this man. Even when I'm mad at him. And especially when he's busy being the great guy that he is.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Spring Has Sprung
And I'm a mess. But what else is new?
Seriously, though. I feel like I'm a walking catastrophe these days. After giving a very inspirational soapbox sermon to a friend about how "you are not a number on a scale" and "you can't evaluate your entire success at motherhood entirely on the way your kids (with their pesky free will ... grrrrr) turn out," I find that I am judging myself by the number on the scale, the piles of laundry (clean AND dirty) stacked around my house, and the amount of smack-talk I observe in my children to me, each other and all the innocent bystanders. Among other assessment criteria too numerous (and depressing) to list here.
And I'm in a traitorous dead-in-the-water phase where I feel like I can't do it, if I do it it will be a ginormous failure, so why even try?
Not good. Not good at all.
So what did I do good today? It may seem small to you, but I gotta take my successes where I can.
I did a load of dishes, even though it was one of the children's jobs, so hey! I did a remarkable act of service, right?
And I stood up to the-child-who-tends-to-intimidate-me-with-his/her-it's-an-unfair-life propaganda. Don't get judgy-judgy on me here. I know I should not be manipulated by my children, but you know what? There is much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth on this scene, and I weary of it. Why do I need my child to do this for me when I'm plenty good at doing it all by my lonesome?
I went to an awards ceremony for my daughter. And I was glad I went. Especially after she tried to convince me that I didn't really need to come. She's right, it was not a major award, but it was her, and she's amazing, and it was totally worth it.
I continued to express gratitude for the traffic court judge who dropped my speeding-in-a-construction-zone-ticket by about 200 bucks. And--bonus--I didn't speed in that construction zone today. My, my, my I am just full of good works today.
I took my girls to swim team tonight even though I really didn't want to because I just wanted to climb into bed and hibernate. And while I was at the Y, I exercised, even though I really, really didn't want to. And I stopped just to watch Sam through the window of the nursery, and I laughed because he was so, so cute driving his little cars off of his fabulously contrived train tracks. I don't stop to enjoy my kids often enough. Just thinking about Sam being so cute makes me smile and take a deep breath of air. That's therapeutic. The Lord knows what He's doing, doesn't he?
Seriously, though. I feel like I'm a walking catastrophe these days. After giving a very inspirational soapbox sermon to a friend about how "you are not a number on a scale" and "you can't evaluate your entire success at motherhood entirely on the way your kids (with their pesky free will ... grrrrr) turn out," I find that I am judging myself by the number on the scale, the piles of laundry (clean AND dirty) stacked around my house, and the amount of smack-talk I observe in my children to me, each other and all the innocent bystanders. Among other assessment criteria too numerous (and depressing) to list here.
And I'm in a traitorous dead-in-the-water phase where I feel like I can't do it, if I do it it will be a ginormous failure, so why even try?
Not good. Not good at all.
So what did I do good today? It may seem small to you, but I gotta take my successes where I can.
I did a load of dishes, even though it was one of the children's jobs, so hey! I did a remarkable act of service, right?
And I stood up to the-child-who-tends-to-intimidate-me-with-his/her-it's-an-unfair-life propaganda. Don't get judgy-judgy on me here. I know I should not be manipulated by my children, but you know what? There is much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth on this scene, and I weary of it. Why do I need my child to do this for me when I'm plenty good at doing it all by my lonesome?
I went to an awards ceremony for my daughter. And I was glad I went. Especially after she tried to convince me that I didn't really need to come. She's right, it was not a major award, but it was her, and she's amazing, and it was totally worth it.
I continued to express gratitude for the traffic court judge who dropped my speeding-in-a-construction-zone-ticket by about 200 bucks. And--bonus--I didn't speed in that construction zone today. My, my, my I am just full of good works today.
I took my girls to swim team tonight even though I really didn't want to because I just wanted to climb into bed and hibernate. And while I was at the Y, I exercised, even though I really, really didn't want to. And I stopped just to watch Sam through the window of the nursery, and I laughed because he was so, so cute driving his little cars off of his fabulously contrived train tracks. I don't stop to enjoy my kids often enough. Just thinking about Sam being so cute makes me smile and take a deep breath of air. That's therapeutic. The Lord knows what He's doing, doesn't he?
Thursday, May 3, 2012
So, speaking of integrity...
Whilst pursuing my Studies in Integrity, a few things have popped out at me that I really need to change in my life. Ok, really Heavenly Father made one thing in particular crystal clear. I am supposed to be working on it.
Then for another part of my Studies in Integrity, I read the following quote from M. Russell Ballard, one of the Twelve Apostles of my church. It's an awesome talk about mothers and daughters, and you can read it here. He says,
That's when my smartmouthed child said to me (in a very casual, offhand voice) something along the lines of, "You do it all the time, mom. What's the big deal?"
Oh.
Just stab a knife right through my heart, will ya?
And suddenly Elder Ballard's words came ringing back to me. Crystal clear. Again. As if I had just read them off the page that very second. With a bite.
Not only do my daughters know my worst flaws, but I have no credibility with them when trying to teach them better. It's gonna take awhile to mend that.
It's funny how you think you know something. I know that as a mother one of my best tools is to set a good example. And yet. The actuality of it turns out to be something entirely out of the range of what you were thinking. And when you become aware of it, it seems so obvious. But it wasn't.
It is now.
Then for another part of my Studies in Integrity, I read the following quote from M. Russell Ballard, one of the Twelve Apostles of my church. It's an awesome talk about mothers and daughters, and you can read it here. He says,
Yeah, so I'm driving along last night in the car with my older daughters, and they start to do the very thing I'm supposed to be working at not doing. Not that I recognized it that way at the time. It went on for a little while, and finally I intervened.Now, mothers, I understand that it sometimes appears that our children aren’t paying attention to the lessons we’re trying to teach them. Believe me—I’ve seen that glazed-over look that comes to the eyes of teenagers just when you’re coming to what you think is the best part of your instruction. Let me assure you that even when you think your daughter is not listening to a thing you say, she is still learning from you as she watches you to see if your actions match your words. As Ralph Waldo Emerson is believed to have said, “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say” (see Ralph Keyes, The Quote Verifier [2006],56).
That's when my smart
Oh.
Just stab a knife right through my heart, will ya?
And suddenly Elder Ballard's words came ringing back to me. Crystal clear. Again. As if I had just read them off the page that very second. With a bite.
Not only do my daughters know my worst flaws, but I have no credibility with them when trying to teach them better. It's gonna take awhile to mend that.
It's funny how you think you know something. I know that as a mother one of my best tools is to set a good example. And yet. The actuality of it turns out to be something entirely out of the range of what you were thinking. And when you become aware of it, it seems so obvious. But it wasn't.
It is now.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Gearing Up
I'm thinking it's probably time to potty train the Little Man. He brings me a diaper when he needs to be changed. It just sounds so overwhelming to me. At least I can put it off a little bit longer until his cast comes off, right? Who wants to deal with a cast when you are trying to pull up and down pants and stay dry when armed with an unpredictable water gun?
Hard Day
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Integrity
In our church, the young women (girls ages 12-18) can work on a program called Personal Progress ... you can think of it sort of like earning a Gold Award in Girl Scouts or become an Eagle Scout in Boy Scouts. There are a number of requirements in a series of areas (virtues). Each virtue culminates with a bigger "project" in which you apply what you have learned. Young Women leaders and the parents of Young Women can seek to earn the award as well. And now that I am a YW leader in addition to being a YW parent, I've decided I should actually try to do this.
So right now the virtue I am working on is Integrity. It's something that I don't feel like I struggle with greatly, although like everyone else, I have rough spots to work through. BUT. We are really struggling with this character trait with some members of our family. So, integrity was what I chose to work on first.
Let me say right now: when you go to work on something, the Lord lets you know there is always room for improvement. Lol! I have all kinds of starting points now. For me, not my family. And that's a good thing.
Two quotes about integrity really sum it up for me. The first is from C. S. Lewis: "Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching." And the second I read in For the Strength of Youth, (a guidebook for LDS youth): "stand for the right, even if you stand alone."
I know that in my life when I have stood up for what I believed to be true, I haven't regretted it. I certainly don't do it every time. But when I do it, it is right, and it strengthens me for the next time I need to stand up for the truth.
The hardest time I've ever had with following through with what I knew to be true was my choice to be baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Many of my friends and family opposed it (and still do). I have a great deal of respect for those friends and family (and still do!), and I didn't want to go contrary to their desires for me. And yet, I had read both the New Testament and the Book of Mormon, and I finally felt like I had come home to the church I had been looking for, the true gospel of Jesus Christ. I had no desire to be mocked or ridiculed or looked down upon, but I could not deny what the Holy Ghost had testified to my mind and my heart.
I went forward with being baptized, joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and "enduring to the end" (to quote scripture). It isn't always easy, but I do not regret my choice. I think I lost some friends along the way temporarily, but we have made our ways back to each other over time, and I count them among my best friends because they showed the integrity of their hearts by caring about my decisions, and because they allowed me my integrity in following through with what I knew to be true.
It is a decision that has blessed my life in more ways than I can ever count.
So right now the virtue I am working on is Integrity. It's something that I don't feel like I struggle with greatly, although like everyone else, I have rough spots to work through. BUT. We are really struggling with this character trait with some members of our family. So, integrity was what I chose to work on first.
Let me say right now: when you go to work on something, the Lord lets you know there is always room for improvement. Lol! I have all kinds of starting points now. For me, not my family. And that's a good thing.
Two quotes about integrity really sum it up for me. The first is from C. S. Lewis: "Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching." And the second I read in For the Strength of Youth, (a guidebook for LDS youth): "stand for the right, even if you stand alone."
I know that in my life when I have stood up for what I believed to be true, I haven't regretted it. I certainly don't do it every time. But when I do it, it is right, and it strengthens me for the next time I need to stand up for the truth.
The hardest time I've ever had with following through with what I knew to be true was my choice to be baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Many of my friends and family opposed it (and still do). I have a great deal of respect for those friends and family (and still do!), and I didn't want to go contrary to their desires for me. And yet, I had read both the New Testament and the Book of Mormon, and I finally felt like I had come home to the church I had been looking for, the true gospel of Jesus Christ. I had no desire to be mocked or ridiculed or looked down upon, but I could not deny what the Holy Ghost had testified to my mind and my heart.
I went forward with being baptized, joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and "enduring to the end" (to quote scripture). It isn't always easy, but I do not regret my choice. I think I lost some friends along the way temporarily, but we have made our ways back to each other over time, and I count them among my best friends because they showed the integrity of their hearts by caring about my decisions, and because they allowed me my integrity in following through with what I knew to be true.
It is a decision that has blessed my life in more ways than I can ever count.
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