Mom Time

Sometimes you just need some cuddle time with Mom.

On Parenting Young Adults

I sort of ruined my own day by daring to respond to someone's post on Facebook about college students and adjusting and mental health. What was I thinking?

My rational brain kept telling me that this stranger was speaking to me the way she was out of fear resulting from some of her family's experiences, but it was all I could do not to defend myself. And even when I backed down and attempted to be conciliatory, it was too late. She was pretty upset.

I really struggle with situations like that. It's the second time something like that has happened to me in the last several months.

One of the things I like most about myself is that I generally attempt to be nice to everyone, and almost always, it has impressive results...meaning we can all get along and everything is beautiful, even when we don't agree.

But that very niceness is an internal struggle for me sometimes. I'm too nice to keep an argument going when it's obviously upsetting to someone, so for the most part, all the things running through my head remain unsaid. Most days this is a bonus. Some days it leaves me feeling very frustrated.

Having whined about all that, now I'm going to be grateful for what my part in the "discussion" was about.

I am grateful that Hannah opted to go away to college. I am grateful that she tried new things and started learning "to adult." That adulting thing is hard for sure, and some of it she kind of had to be pushed into.

I am grateful that she struggled. I hated--hated--watching her struggle. I hated watching her learning to deal with loneliness and fear and fatigue and unclear and uncertain choices more or less on her own. It was hard to watch her make choices that I didn't think would ultimately result in her happiness (fortunately, these choices for her were relatively minor and reversible). It was hard to wait for her to make healthy choices and seek her own happiness.

But she is doing it! And I have loved watching her stretch and grow and find passions. I have loved watching her come into her own confidence. I love knowing that she's getting better and better at this adulting thing, and especially at finding herself and finding strength in who she is and what she is capable of becoming.

One of the most valuable gifts my parents have given me is the knowledge that ultimately we are raising children to learn, seek, and find their own independence. I'm pretty sure my parents hated the application of that for me as a young adult, but they did it. Over my adolescence, they more and more allowed me to make my own choices and to become an adult and to stretch and grow. I admire them for selflessly doing something so difficult so that I could progress.

I also admire them for giving me options, for stepping in to give me those options, especially when my mental health was at stake. That's how you parent. It's a pretty fine line to walk, I think, to want to keep your child safely cushioned from life's hard knocks, all the while knowing that without a few hard knocks, it will be very difficult for them to fully appreciate the moments of joy. It's a fine line to walk to know that they must make choices for themselves, however painful the consequences. Hallelujah if they ask for your counsel! And the agony when they don't ask or they don't listen!

So as parents, even though it's really hard, we are doing our best to let our kids grow into themselves as adults. Sometimes we utterly fail at this. Some days are better than others. But I love the moments that come when they find joy and confidence and victory, whether small or large.

Anyway, my comments aren't entirely based upon the other woman's remarks to me. And she made some great and very true points about mental health, which of course you have no idea what I'm talking about. But. This has been on my mind all afternoon. I want to remember my reasons for not helicoptering my kids to death.

I Wore My Girl Scout Cap Tonight

Spent my day doing this:

Doing this, among other preparations for the troop's investiture and rededication ceremony tonight. I think they had fun. I hope they had fun. There was real fire (candles); what more could they want in life?...oh wait, this wasn't the Cub Scouts...but I think girls like fire, too. Just sayin.

And there were yummy Muddy Buddies...or Thin Mint Puppy Chow, whichever you call it. I experimented with this recipe. It was pretty yummy, and certainly high on calories. You do what you gotta do to be a scout leader, what can I say?

And then I didn't end up with any pictures of Sariah by herself or with her troop. Dang it. I have one picture, and I'm going to cut out the other girl to respect her privacy. They were playing Headbandz.

And oooh, look! I found this fun picture from Saturday and TOFW with Lizzi. I love that girl! She is so beautiful, inside and out!

I'm feeling pretty blessed. Happy sigh.

More Sunday

(This was supposed to post with the other post about Madeline, but I'm still figuring out how to do this from my phone, lol!) Also today, Sam gave a talk in primary. It was Sariah's assignment, but she flatly refused, so Sam did it, which meant that I was somewhat winging it as I helped him. The topic was prayer, but apparently what he really wanted to tell everyone was that Heavenly Father created the earth. So at the end of my beautiful 🙄 talk about prayer, we inserted Sam's sentiments about the creation. It's always a fun ride with little people, isn't it?

Hanging Out with Madeline

After this very brief nap, Madeline and I went and hung out in the senior nursery at church. A substitute nursery worker was needed, so off we went. These kids are the two-turning-three-year-olds who will move up to primary (the children's Sunday school) when 2017 arrives. Madeline was such a tiny and still developing baby compared to those other little tikes. And yet in less than three months, she can head off to the junior nursery! 😱What?? Where does the time go?!?

Time Out

Having a great time in Birmingham with Lizzi at Time Out for Women. We got to hear David Archuletta. That was pretty cool, and I think I'm going to go buy his albums on iTunes. I already own a few, lol.

Lizzi made a point that I don't really want to forget, though. We wanted to see if we could meet him afterwards. But there was this great mob of women waiting to do the same thing. But most of them were middle-aged Mormon moms and wives. Lizzi thought that was pretty creepy. She had a point. It was kind of funny to watch.

That's How We Roll

Today was less stressful than yesterday. My house is still something of a disaster. But my kitchen is reorganized. That makes me happy.

I'm really looking forward to going to Time Out for Women in Birmingham with Lizzi for the weekend. It's always a good spiritual refresher.

In the mean time, here's what the kids and I had for dessert tonight (after a nutritionally rich meal of nacho-chos). Stovetop roasted marshmallows. Way less mess. It's harder to get them a nice even toasty brown. But again: way less mess and trouble.

Oh and news flash! Rex is shooting up. He is almost as tall as I am. I love this picture of him; it's like his natural habitat, and he isn't trying so hard to smile. His face is peaceful. Be still, my heart.

I can't believe how fast these older four have grown. One minute they are ankle biters, and the next minute we are all eyeball to eyeball. Crazy, that.

Reality Check

Let's have a reality check, shall we?

This was my home early this morning. Or rather, the main rooms of my home. I can't make the pictures very big, because they are humiliating.

It's making me crazy.

Most of you know that I'm not really much of a housekeeper. I used to be. And I want to be. But I really struggle with having a bunch of people undo my cleanliness. Then I just give up.

Someone near and dear to me once famously commented that they always thought growing up that my brother would be the slob and I would be the neat freak, not the other way around. True story.

It's making me crazy.

I've been gone off and on for three weeks. My husband is usually a pretty good housekeeper. But on top of parenting all of our children on his own while I was gone, he came down sick. Sicker than he's been in years.

And now we see the results. Ugh. So frustrating.

I spent my day picking up stuff. Not cleaning. Just picking up stuff. I got all 10,000 of my steps in, solely by picking up things and putting them back where they belong. For reals, people. I got one room presentable. One.

I also threw out three bags of garbage. That was somewhat liberating.

And I located one of the missing binkies. That's like a lifesaver.

One of the children, bless their little heart (and I'm using that phrase in a very subversive Southern manner), asked me why on earth I was cleaning.

I answered that I like living in a clean house. I asked, didn't they want their house to be a temple?

The answer will give away which child it was: "I don't want to live in a temple. It's home. I want to live at home. And I like it the way it is."

It's making me crazy. And I mean that quite literally. My mental health is at stake here.

More cleaning tomorrow.

These last few weeks, I've pushed myself to the very edge of what I can give. I need a few days to chill. But not in this mess. Who could chill in this?

Haha. Maybe I'll just confine myself to the one clean living room. ;)

P.S. Nobody better show up to my house to clean tomorrow. I'd probably eat you alive. My post is a vent, not a plea. Although...if you want to fix that dumb kitchen drawer, I wouldn't turn you away, lol.

Sweet Dreams

Have you ever started reading a book that you didn't have high hopes for, and it turned out to be pretty freaking funny? Yeah, that's what happened to me today. So instead of getting my game back on, I've basically been a lazy bum. My house is still thrashed. I haven't unloaded my car from the Cub Scout thing on Monday. It doesn't help that Madeline just isn't sleeping at night, and Bob is still sick. I've chuckled a lot over my book, though. Bonus.

But there were blessings today, too. And my day is always complete when I spend 20 or 30 minutes rocking Madeline to sleep at night. Tonight is the first night since I left for Utah on the 1st that she has actually wanted me at night instead of needing her Daddy. That's a good heart restorer.

Sweet dreams, y'all.

Intense

Today was pretty intense.

I led a Cub Scout day camp for our pack today. Eight hours. And I logged nearly 5 miles on my Fitbit, only 1.5 of which was our hike.

I need to learn a new set of leadership skills for 8 to 10-year-old boys. Haha. There's always a new learning curve when you are progressing.

Meanwhile, Bob stayed home with Madeline. He was really sick. Sick enough to take himself to the doctor for medicine.

And while he was gone there was a mistaken 911 call that resulted in a visit from the sheriff's office. Awesome.

And Junebug was at the vet's office getting her teeth cleaned. And we forgot to pick her up. More awesome.

After nearly three full weeks of traveling and Cub Scouting, I'm running on fumes. I need a couple of days to get my game back.

Bwahahahaha. I'm sure that'll happen....

I Love Them!

I have a confession to make.

I thought the items to take in the geocache box were lame.

So my kids and I went on a hike this afternoon and planted better goodies in there for my Cub Scouts tomorrow. Am I a loser?

I'm not entirely sure it was Sabbath appropriate either. Although...I will say that Bob was home with the baby, and they were both sick, and I really enjoyed spending time with my little hoodlums in one of Heavenly Father's great creations.

We saw squirrels and deer and (gasp!) a live armadillo. That was pretty cool.

Look at my babies! Aren't they beautiful!?!?

Bath Time with Baby

I missed my munchkins while I was out of town.

I spent today getting Cub Scout stuff ready for Monday, but I got to do bath time with this little cutie. I love her.

This was the only picture I got. Because as soon as I got out my phone camera, she wanted to see herself on it, and we were done taking pictures, lol.

The Rememberer

Today, Sam and I went on a little adventure. I am preparing for an upcoming Cub Scout day camp event where we will be geocaching. Having never geocached before, I thought maybe I should practice, plus I needed to scope out our event site. We headed out to Chattahoochee Bend State Park, which is only a few miles from our home.

After much technological tinkering, we chose a goal cache, and we set off down one of the trails. Not the trail Sam would have picked, because he wanted a different color trail marker, but down it we went nonetheless.

On this first part of our hike, Sam decided that he would be the leader. This was my view for at least a half mile.

It took some time to find our intended geocache. It was farther off the trail than I anticipated, and in the interim before discovery, I had to address a six-year-old's concerns about being lost. I kept telling him that I knew the way back, and that in case I didn't, I was holding a GPS and a compass in my hands. But once our mission was accomplished, it was all good.

It's a good thing that Sam was all about the find, because the "treasure" was a little lame. I will be hiking this geocache again before Monday to ensure that the "treasure" is somewhat motivating for 10 year old boys.

And then we hiked back. We liked the Chattahoochee river, so we stopped for a selfie.

It was then that Sam decided that I should definitely be the leader, because I was "the rememberer." I sort of snorted because remembering hasn't been one of my strengths lately, and I hear it only goes downhill from here. So for the rest of the hike, he told me that I would be the rememberer until I got old and then he would have to do it. I love that kid!

It was a great adventure, and I loved having one-on-one time with my youngest son!

Home Again At Last!

My day was spent traveling for the most part. This morning, I visited one of my fun friends who lives near the Salt Lake City airport, right before I turned in my rental car, and prepared for my flight.

The first leg of my flight was to Phoenix, and I sat next to this wonderful older couple. We talked church and missions and teaching in the Savior's way. I learned some great stuff and enjoyed talking with them...which is saying something, since I've spent the last 6 days socializing. I socialized with people I love and was so glad to see...but this introvert is ready for some quiet time.

Haha. That's funny. Because quiet time isn't something that happens frequently in my house.

On the way from Phoenix to Atlanta, my flight was like the party bus. People cheering at the flight attendants' speeches and drinking all sorts of adult beverages. That was fun.

I'm glad to be home. All my babies but one were asleep, so that was kind of sad...but it was fun to talk to Lizzi and Bob.

Tomorrow starts all my new challenges. Done sending Hannah off. So now I help Lizzi tackle all her college paperwork.

My babies! They are getting so grown up. That's sad...and wonderful, too!

Aaand She's Off...

I'm gonna be honest here, today was a bit of a roller coaster.

We finally took some mission pics. They aren't fabulous because I'm not a photographer. But Hannah's a pretty good editor, especially with only a few little tools. These are a few of my favorites.

We called and talked to her dad and her little brother and sisters. Then we had a bit of time to kill, so we walked around the Provo temple, along with a bunch of other missionary families with some time to kill. :)

Her nerves were making me anxious, which in turn was notching up her nerves. So we hugged, drove over to the Missionary Training Center (or the MTC, which is across the street from the Provo temple), hugged again, and she was off with a wonderful host sister missionary who was bright and excited and wonderful! She will spend six weeks at the MTC learning to speak Samoan, and then look out, Anaheim, California; here she comes!

 

And then, in one of the universe's crazy turns of events that are so perfect and so fitting, I went to lunch with this guy and his beautiful wife. When I get home, I'll have to post our very first picture together, lol. No matter how old we get, he will always be the young man who shared what he valued most with a teenage girl he barely knew.

This is a beautiful friendship that started 24 years ago and halfway around the world in Russia of all places. Shawn has been one of the kindest and best friends I've ever had. He has loved me and encouraged me, and he valued me enough to share a Book of Mormon and his testimony of the gospel. His courage in doing so changed my life forever...and without him, I wouldn't have been here today with Hannah, as she, too, answers that call to serve and to share. Full circle. My heart is full.

Less than 24 Hours!

People! We are in the last 24 hours before she reports to the MTC. That is crazy!

It has really hit me hard today. Parting with her will be hard. I think the hardest part for me isn't that she is leaving for 18 months. That tears me up a bit, but I am so proud of her for answering the call to serve and for choosing to do hard things, and I am so excited for her to have this adventure. But it's those very hard things that make it difficult for me to send her off. As much as I know she needs to do them, and that they will be life-shaping experiences for her and that she needs to face challenges in order to grow and progress, it's still hard for a mama to watch. Does that make any sense? I know from personal experience that life isn't always all sunshine and daisies, and I know from personal experience that learning to deal with the not-sunshine-and-daisies builds confidence and self-reliance and teaches us to appreciate the sweet parts so much more...I just want it to be all sunshine and daisies for her.

So. Now.

I'm putting on my big girl panties, and my mama hat, and tomorrow will be a glorious day for me and for her! She is going to make wonderful new friends, and her testimony of the gospel will grow even more and be a strength and a safety to her. It's one of life's sweet moments to recognize that, too.

Shoe Success and Family Fun

What more could you ask for in life, right?

After a warm day yesterday, it was a bit nippy in Provo today. But that didn't prevent us from meeting up with fun friends and spending money. I got some new dresses out of the deal, met one of Hannah's college friends, and we found Hannah some "missionary shoes" that she deemed not too ugly.

And then a fun somewhat spontaneous meeting for dinner. Mom and Dad were driving through Utah today on their own little journey, and we happen to be in Utah! We met up, had dinner, gave them their anniversary gift (46 years! isn't that awesome?!!), and gave hugs. Check out our awesome selfie with Grammy & Papa below!

I am enjoying my time with my Hannah girl.

And I miss my people back home, too. A lot.

A Beautiful Day

I had a beautiful day with my sweet girl, Hannah. She starts her 18-month-mission for our church on Wednesday. So we spent our afternoon in Salt Lake City at the conference center and on Temple Square. I loved getting to go to conference with her, and I want to take all of the other kids in the future.

I love having this time alone with just her before she goes. I still can't believe she's old enough to have this new adventure, though I'm not surprised by it. She's been giving copies of the Book of Mormon away since kindergarten.

Also, General Conference was pretty cool. I enjoyed listening to the speakers in the afternoon session, but I think the most awesome experience was the rest hymn in the middle when 21,000 (or so) saints stood to sing praises. It brought tears to my eyes, and made me so grateful for these wonderful people who share my love for the Lord.

A good day that makes my heart smile.

Musings

Without Google Reader, I'm really not good at this whole blogging thing....

I (once again) find myself at a place where I really need to rethink my priorities on so many levels, especially now that we've decided to homeschool for the year with our younger kids.  Time, money, spirituality, family, health.  So much to do.  I am really fighting utter exhaustion, and I have a sneaking suspicion I need to focus more on me ... not necessarily my interests (because I haven't stopped reading, and I just had a visit with my bestie, I still take naps, and I am eating waaaaaaay too much chocolate) ... but the things I need to do to take care of me.  You know, the hard stuff.

I keep thinking of the Flylady and her advice to focus on baby steps.  It's hard not to sprint when you know you have miles to go, or to just sit down and give up.  Neither one of those options end up productively, but they are still so tempting.

So, even though my to-do list should be a mile long, my goals for today are to:

1. Exercise.  (Yay, I already took a walk this morning!!)
2. Drink 8 glasses of water.
3. Study my scriptures.  And pray.  But maybe reverse that order.
4. Find all of the towels and wash them.  (Yeah, it's that bad.)

Everything else I get done after those things is fluff.  Well, not really fluff, but bonus stuff, and it will make me feel good, lol.

Sariah's Christmas Riddle

I know it's late, but I'm cleaning off my desk, and I keep finding all of these little gems that Sariah brings home.

Better Late than Never...

We had a blast at Halloween this year, hanging out with all the neighbors in the middle of our cul-de-sac.  It's such a blessing to have great neighbors.  :)

District Honor Chorus

My handsome oldest little man at district honor chorus last weekend.  Sure loved getting to go and listen to them sing.  His chorus was outstanding.

Likening the Scriptures to Ourselves

For my friends who read the Book of Mormon, check out how Lizzi applies the scriptures to her own life experiences. Seriously?

For Posterity

The dog is my favorite. She already draws better than I do. 😆

Smiley Face

The Joys of Parenthood

Thanks, Tiffany, for the title.  I haven't posted in awhile, but there are some things that bear recording. 

So, I'm hanging out in the office this morning, balancing the checkbook (quick, somebody check on Bob, he's probably having a heart attack), and I smell a funny smell.

What's the smell?  What's the smell?  What's the smell?

One of the children, who shall remain nameless (not that that will prevent any of you from guessing) had just brought in a grub to try to feed to our newly captive frogs (for Caleb's reptile and amphibian merit badge), and he said it smelled like a skunk.  Was that the smell?

And then quick as a flash, pictures in my head: melty, melty, melty.  Smoky, smoky, smoky.  The reptile lamp.  On the floor.

Bad, bad, bad.  Very, very bad.

Now if you know me well, you know that I don't ordinarily think this fast.  On my own it would have taken me an hour to figure out the source of the smell.  Because who would think the carpet was melting in one of our bedrooms because someone put a burning and bare light bulb that's designed to simulate the sun down on the floor?  And left it there!! (The top of the aquarium housing 6 frogs, which are almost as bad as snakes, was also left open, but in light of the circumstances, this is really a minor detail.)

Anyhow, bear in mind that our house is built on a full basement, so there is no concrete slab beneath this carpet.  And it burned all the way through the padding.

Disaster averted.  Narrowly.

I know some people will say that it was luck or instinct or whatever.  I call it the guidance of the Holy Ghost.  It was information that came not from my own brain, but from Someone waaaaaaaaay smarter and faster than me.

I am counting my blessings this morning.  The scriptures and the prophets say "Remember, remember" a lot, and this is one of the things I'll be remembering.

Family

Art by Sariah

Things to Remember from Mistress Bradstreet

Just finished reading Mistress Bradstreet: The Untold Life of America's First Poet, by Charlotte Gordon.  It's somewhat laughable, since I don't usually get very much into poetry.  But when I saw the book at the library, I was interested.

It's not a bad book, especially as far as biographies go.  I tend to get bored easily by them, but this one kept me interested and hanging on for what was coming next.

I dog-eared quite a few pages, simply because Bradstreet's or Gordon's words really spoke to me on some level.

"God-fearing and devout, during these late nights Anne had to stare down her own belief in her weakness, as well as her fears of being attacked, to begin to commit her thoughts to parchment.  Though she had never heard of any other woman attempting such a feat, perhaps the memory of her father's voice, all those years ago in the paneled rooms of Sempringham, gave her courage.  As it was, she prayed that each line she formed would be in the service of the Lord" (Gordon, p. 179).

Anne Bradstreet's reasons for fear were different than mine, but maybe it's time for me to face my own demons, and start chasing a long-ago dream that's never quite left me.

"This five-page document [Bradstreet's spiritual autobiography] is remarkable as a celebration of her faith as well as an admission of her doubts.  Anne urged her children to know that questioning was an essential component of Puritan belief....  By voicing her own uncertainties, she gave her children permission to make their own journeys of faith.  Not that they should stray from Puritanism but that they should not allow their delusions and questions to take them away from God" (Gordon, pp. 258-259).

A little lesson for motherhood here in this statement of truth.  My experiences have also led me to understand that, like babies must put everything in their mouths to test things out, we need to know our faith, inside and outside, and why we believe it...and to remember that it is faith--the substance of things hoped for but not seen.

"For many, though Anne was luckily not one of them, their children were a large part of the struggle.  Some younger Puritans simply refused to examine their consciences or attend services in the meetinghouses.  Each congregation faced the possibility of extinction as the old members died off and new ones failed to join" (Gordon, p. 263).

The struggle to maintain congregations struck me, as recently I have been directed to several articles addressing how Christianity is losing active followers.  It is intriguing to me that this is an "age-old" problem, going back the 400 years to colonial America, and if you really think about it, it started with the dying out of the Christian church after Christ and many of the early apostles and disciples were martyred.

In my own church, though I don't believe we see quite the numbers falling off as in other Christian denominations, we do see those years of youth and early adulthood as crucial to developing commitment to religious beliefs and practices.

A few pages later, Gordon wrote, "With prosperity came too much attachment to the world and too much laxness with regard to religion.  The plenty that now graced families in America could prevent them from ever reaching the kingdom to come."  She then quoted Anne Bradstreet directly:

"...the gifts that God bestows on the sons of men are not only abused but most commonly employed for a clean contrary end than that which they were give for, as health, wealth, and honour, which might be so many steps to draw men to God in consideration of His bounty toward them, but have driven them the further from Him that they are ready to say: we are lords, we will come no more at Thee.  If outward blessings be not as wings to help us mount upwards, they will certainly prove clogs and weights that will pull us lower downward" (p. 270).

Again, it's still so relevant...and has been for centuries.  The dangers of prosperity, which is also laden with blessings, have been evident in both testaments of the Bible as well as the Book of Mormon.

And then a few pages later, Gordon records some of Anne's parental advice, a somewhat less religious topic, but akin to the completely modern debate of nature versus nurture:

"'Diverse children have their different natures,' [Bradstreet] wrote, sounding as though she were speaking directly to Mercy [her daughter-in-law].  'Some are like flesh which nothing but salt will keep from putrefaction, some again like tender fruits that are best preserved with sugar.  Those parents are wise that can fit their nurture according to their nature" (p. 273).

And an incredibly astute observation of child-rearing...each child is different.  Different strokes for different folks.  It's the heart of parenting a large family.  And I'm so glad to hear someone important and knowledgeable acknowledge it.  :)

I guess what I really walked away with was this: a different time period, a different culture and religion (and religious culture) ... and yet the problems we face are still the same, and the victories we seek are still the same.

Y Swim Championships

February has been hectic.  But we are all well again (knock on wood), and I have all kinds of photos.  Like these from the Y Championship Meet a few weeks back.  Both Lizzi and Hannah participated, and the Y graciously shared some of their pics, which I 'm sharing with you cuz I love you.

Diamond Diva

Yep, that's my girl.  Sariah had softball "tryouts" today.  Most of the little girls hadn't played before.  But our little diva was the only one out there in a skirt as she fielded grounders and hit off the tee.  She also got smacked in the face with a softball.  Yeah, it was a great day.

Puzzled

So I went on this kick last week when I decided to figure out how many of our puzzles actually have all the pieces. That's really labor intensive. I am probably driving my family nuts. But I am having fun. Puzzles are something solvable...unlike Sariah's inexplicable fever for 4 days. Or all the other things that plague our little lives.