Spring Has Sprung

And I'm a mess.  But what else is new?

Seriously, though.  I feel like I'm a walking catastrophe these days.  After giving a very inspirational soapbox sermon to a friend about how "you are not a number on a scale" and "you can't evaluate your entire success at motherhood entirely on the way your kids (with their pesky free will ... grrrrr) turn out," I find that I am judging myself by the number on the scale, the piles of laundry (clean AND dirty) stacked around my house, and the amount of smack-talk I observe in my children to me, each other and all the innocent bystanders.  Among other assessment criteria too numerous (and depressing) to list here.

And I'm in a traitorous dead-in-the-water phase where I feel like I can't do it, if I do it it will be a ginormous failure, so why even try?

Not good.  Not good at all.

So what did I do good today?  It may seem small to you, but I gotta take my successes where I can.

I did a load of dishes, even though it was one of the children's jobs, so hey! I did a remarkable act of service, right?

And I stood up to the-child-who-tends-to-intimidate-me-with-his/her-it's-an-unfair-life propaganda.  Don't get judgy-judgy on me here.  I know I should not be manipulated by my children, but you know what?  There is much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth on this scene, and I weary of it.  Why do I need my child to do this for me when I'm plenty good at doing it all by my lonesome?

I went to an awards ceremony for my daughter.  And I was glad I went.  Especially after she tried to convince me that I didn't really need to come.  She's right, it was not a major award, but it was her, and she's amazing, and it was totally worth it.

I continued to express gratitude for the traffic court judge who dropped my speeding-in-a-construction-zone-ticket by about 200 bucks.  And--bonus--I didn't speed in that construction zone today.  My, my, my I am just full of good works today.

I took my girls to swim team tonight even though I really didn't want to because I just wanted to climb into bed and hibernate.  And while I was at the Y, I exercised, even though I really, really didn't want to.  And I stopped just to watch Sam through the window of the nursery, and I laughed because he was so, so cute driving his little cars off of his fabulously contrived train tracks.  I don't stop to enjoy my kids often enough.  Just thinking about Sam being so cute makes me smile and take a deep breath of air.  That's therapeutic.  The Lord knows what He's doing, doesn't he?